Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Noted in July, 2013.

I'd been silent for months now. Here my Narc was, attempting to triangulate me. He had discarded me once. A month before, I'd cried and like most, tried to rationalize the discard.

He just needs space. Maybe it was me. He doesn't have it all together.

Now, he was playing chess. Narcs love chess. They love games and I, the empath, had had enough. Grey rock. I didn't say a word, watched my Narc crumble. Let him lie. Listen. Don't respond. If you respond, he will twist your words, gaslight and belittle you until you begin to question yourself. He will make it so that he's the victim, no matter what the situation.

This started out with me confiding in someone. He listened. Narcs are good listeners. Good orators, they'll always tell you want to hear. A tiny grain of truth, fluffed with lies. My shadow, he copied my every move. I put salt and pepper on french fries so did he. The attachment phase was quick and easy because I wanted to be in a relationship. He knew this, so he went with it.

My Narc went for the gusto. Talked suicide, non-stop. Cried without tears. An actor. A walking contradiction. I am tired of being nice. I'm over being available, there whenever he asks. Don't do that.

Don't be desperate, stop being available. Love bombing is real. The words soulmate, love and the phrase, "I know how you feel" are constant. My Narc was aggressive. I barely knew him and he made my Facebook page his playground. I'd write a status, he'd comment as if I were speaking to him. He'd be upset and confront me. Confusion.

They love that.

They enter fast. Leave even faster.

They hate commitment. Which is why he's triangulating me. He's got someone new and wants to make me jealous. She's his new victim. She doesn't even know it. It took everything in me not to reach out and tell her that he wasn't a prize, that she'd be in a relationship but be lonely as hell. Isolated.

He never isolated me. I stayed busy. Stay as independent as possible. Two jobs, he tried to trap me by quitting his. I seen his game and called his bluff. I had a hard, strict rules, and once I realized I was being manipulated, I stuck to them. He moved out, once he realized I wasn't budging.

Don't fold. I had a folded on a few things that I believed in. That gives them room to manipulate you. That gives them room to lie, that gives them room to control you. my Narc complained---about everything. His true feelings will seep out. Listen carefully. A normal reaction is a problem to a Narc. Everyone is 'crazy.' If I showed any disagreement, I was 'angry.'

Leave after the first discard. I didn't and I wish I had. I was looking for closure. Never look for closure. My Narc sees it as an open door to continue to abuse. Narcs draw you in again, and spit you out. Here I am drained. Refusing to show any emotion. Without your emotions, narcs have nothing to go on.

When they can't get to you. They smear your name. Amongst people you have no idea about, amongst your friends and even your family. If you let him. The smear campaign will reveal the truth of the matter. The narc hates you. You are everything he wants to be and he wants you gone. So I am standing still right now, he's screaming and I'm staring into space. I'm leaving soon.

I'll leave and when I leave I'll do so by being covert. I'll block him on social media. I'll change my number. If he calls me, I'll discard with ease. I'll say sweetly, "You have a right to move on," and quickly hang up the phone. Delete all the pictures. Slowly but surely, erase all the memories. It will be hard, but knowing that someone doesn't want you, makes it easier.

I left and never looked back. He won't be my last narc. They like the nice ones.