Table Etiquette

The picture above says it all, a family sitting down for a meal but everyone except one person is glued to their cellphones. When did this become normal? When did this become acceptable?

When I was young we didn't have cellphones that fit in our pockets. On the television I would see people holding a phone that looked like a brick next to their ear while driving. Yet they weren't everywhere you looked. The phone was a privilege, and we had one that stayed on the counter in the kitchen.

While working in a high end kitchen I noticed one day a family sitting at the table and everyone was messing with their cellphones. I was curious how often this happened. For the next two weeks I kept a tally of how many times I saw people using their phones while at the table with other people. It was quite amazing how often it happened. I would see a couple sitting down to eat, and over half the time the man would be the one utilizing his phone while the woman ate her meal. Yet in the larger groups it was the women who were using their phones while the others ate.

This brought up a question in my mind and a general observation. When it was just a man and woman together the man was always the first to pull out his phone. Why? Was he nervous about making conversation? Did he not know what to talk about? After a few minutes of messing with his phone the man would usually turn the phone around and show it to the woman and it would start a conversation. Okay, that's working with what you have.

In the large groups first one person would pull out their phone because they had nothing to contribute to the conversation, or didn't want to be part of the conversation. Then once one phone was out the rest would start coming out until there was no conversation at the table. It was monkey see monkey do.

Everyone is subject to their surroundings. What we see being acceptable at one table encourages us to feel it is acceptable for us to do; is it though? When you go out to dinner with someone it is a way of saying you value this person. You want to know about them. You are taking time to enjoy a meal, and spend time with someone you chose to spend time with. Even if it is a celebration you have chosen to join this person in something important. Is your phone more important than the person in front of you?

When I go out to a meal with a friend or family I may pull my phone out when I sit down. The reason I do is to silence my phone. I am making sure the person I am with has my full attention. Even if it is a group of us, my phone is not an issue.

According to Emily Post, the queen and matriarch of etiquette there are 10 top rules for cell phone manners.

1. Be in control of your phone, don’t let it control you!
2. Speak softly.
3. Be courteous to those you are with; turn off your phone if it will be interrupting a conversation or activity.
4. Watch your language, especially when others can overhear you.
5. Avoid talking about personal or confidential topics in a public place.
6. If it must be on and it could bother others, use the “silent” mode and move away to talk.
7. Don’t make calls in a library, theater, church, or from your table in a restaurant.
8. Don’t text during class or a meeting at your job.
9. Private info can be forwarded, so don’t text it.
10. NEVER drive and use your phone at the same time.

I think we all need to have some time with Emily Post, and get back to what matters when at the dinner table. Enjoy the company you are with. Who knows what tomorrow holds. Is one funny social media meme worth more than the time with someone you care about who is right in front of you?

Please put your phones away.