Taking Risks

​I have taken many risks during the 21 years I have been alive. I chose to move out of my mother’s house, then a couple years later move out of my dad’s house, join the military, and other crazy risks. I even chose to get married. All these risky, adventurous decisions I have made before turning 21.

​In May of 2015 I met… well I thought I met “The One.” I have never really dated prior to meeting this guy and so I fell in love fast. I fell for the silliness and stupidity at first. Then I fell in love with talking to him. We went on dates and began to be comfortable with each other. We made plans for the future… our future. We went from living in a tiny room together to a little house up by Joshua Tree National Park. Our plans we talked about were becoming a reality and that felt amazing. “Amazing” does not even give the emotions I felt justice. Everything was going as planned, I was going to have the perfect life or so I thought.

​I never realized how much arguing took place in our home, in our cars, and sometimes in public. We argued so often that I became used to everything. I got used to everything being my fault. I got in the habit of constantly apologizing for things I didn’t understand. I got so used to being held down, yelled at, and hurt that it became the normal thing for me. I enjoyed being spoiled, but I failed to recognize that I only got the nice shiny things after what I considered “normal.” I was taken away from my family and friends, but for some reason I did not care at the time. It was only a few months after saying “I Do” that I got tired, physically and mentally. I found myself enjoying myself when I wasn’t around him. I started dreading the drive home, wondering what we would argue about once I stepped through the door. When I finally came to my senses, I filed for divorce.

​I went from being happily married (for the first few weeks) to happily divorced in under a year. I came to the realization that I was not heartbroken or hurt in any way by my decision because my feelings were drained from me months before I came to my senses. I made a risky choice to hang on, not to him but to our future we planned. I have made so many decisions that have been an adventure for me. Though my adventures have not always been fun and fulfilling, I have certainly gained a lot of knowledge. I was able to find myself and continue to grow as a person, I am able to freely be the person I want to be. As the chaos around me settled, I grew close to someone. The someone I have known for nearly 2 years, the someone I enjoyed spending time with, the someone I wanted to date. The someone that brings a certain happiness I haven’t felt before. He does not make me happy, only I can make myself happy. He just enhances my happiness that I have found on my own.​