Tales From a Survivor of the 'Friend Zone'

The dreaded f-word... 'Friend zone'. Many males appear to living in this state of having feelings for a friend, yet never vocalizing these sentiments, so they never become anything more. I've seen many memes and pictures of men doing nice things for women and it being labeled as a description of the 'friend zone'. I'm not sure how I feel about the 'friend zone' since technically I lived in the 'friend zone' for about 2 years. WHAT?! A woman living in the friend zone? How can this be? Didn't only guys live in the 'friend zone'?

Well THIS IS FAKE NEWS. Women are rejected by men, men are rejected by women. People reject each other based on first impressions that may not hold truth to who the person is. Now... I have some real news to report. The 'friend zone' is not the end zone. I repeat, the friend zone is NOT the end zone. The friend zone should be renamed the start zone. Most of these lasting couples you see on the internet (#relationshipgoals) started off as friends.

Not many couples start off intimate and are married for 50+ years. You know the relationship will work whether or not you and your partner are friends beyond intimacy. For example, if you two ever broke up, that would not be the end of the relationship. My ex that I dated for 3 and half years, whom I thought I was going to marry, ended it but haven't lost touch. Is he my best friend still? No, but I know we both value our relationship even with the change in status. I don't even call him my ex anymore, I simply refer to him as my friend.

Now, getting to the story of my time in the 'friend zone'. I remember seeing this boy my freshman year of college and thinking he was so cool and mysterious (#mysteryboy). However, I had no idea who he was and would only see him in passing. I never thought much of it until one of my best friends became friends with him and he started hanging out with us. I couldn't believe it! Well me, being the inexperienced flirt that I am, decided to not talk to him... at all. I mean what a plan! I laugh at my old self and I want to tell her that there is nothing to be afraid of. Well then this friend and I moved in together and he started coming over so I eventually relaxed and we became pretty good friends.

Then the next year, he moved down the freakin' street from me and we became best friends. All the while, with some feelings still hiding in me. I loved our friendship and didn't know how he felt, but one night I told him that I might have real feelings for him. He was #shook to say the least, but said he didn't feel the same. Well I had a feeling he didn't but I couldn't just keep torturing myself. So time went on and we got past the awkward patch and went back to normal. However, every time we were around other people the question was always "So how long have you two been together?" Even our close friends said we were so flirty, but I just took it as a comfortableness not many friends achieve.

So once upon a summer's night, in the middle of August, we are sitting on my couch, kinda drunk, watching Sixteen Candles. Okay okay, I know... who watches Sixteen Candles with a girl and just sees her as a friend? Well I sure didn't think anything of it until about 10 minutes into hooking up when he was leaving what would be two HUGE hickeys on my neck (I had them for a week). It was a whirlwind and I couldn't believe what was happening. This guy, who was on mind for like two years, was all over me. I guess you could call it a midsummer nights dream?? (Too dramatic? Probably...) The rest is history. The feelings are mutual, and he admits they had been for a while. It just wasn't meant to happen, until it happened.

Of course, we are working out the kinks (especially since we are long distance) but I couldn't be happier with how it all played out. When we are together, intimately, we laugh and joke and can just look at each other BECAUSE we are so comfortable. This wouldn't be the case if we were just hooking up. Looking at it now, I wouldn't have wanted to be with him as a young silly freshman. I don't think we would be happy or would have this kind of passion for each other. We wouldn't have known each other, seen each other grow, fail, live!

He knows so much about me, yet we still get to discover each other. I can't say it wasn't hard sometimes being in this so-called 'friend zone', but I'm so glad we had that time before taking it to the next level. Don't skip this step guys and girls, it's not worth it. I love my friendship with him and I'm so glad we naturally moved onto the next step. There was a certain patience we had to learn and understand before we could take the next step. And it's reassuring to know that we will always have a relationship, even if it changes.