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Thank You

A Letter of Thanks to the First Person I Ever Loved

By Emberleigh MaePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Photo Credit: Thoughts of Miss K

A letter to the first person I ever loved.

Dear Love,

Thank you.

Thank you for being with me, making me happy, making me feel wanted. But also, thank you for breaking my heart.

Our time together was great. The innocence that we held with our idea of love was so youthful, so surreal. We wanted our love to be that of a movie. Two best friends end up falling in love with each other, and eventually live the rest of their lives together, carrying with them the innocent love that we had.

You were the first person I ever loved. I never expected to end up being with you, but I was. And it was amazing.

Sitting in the back of the van, we were so naive. So scared. We didn't know what these feelings were, or very well what they meant, but they were still there. They were still real.

I never planned on leaving you. I wanted you to be my first and last for everything. My first kiss, my first date, my first everything. I wanted you to be my special someone for my entire life.

And then you weren't.

You said that we weren't acting like a couple. We didn't do normal couple things. We didn't kiss, we didn't go out, and we didn't even hold hands.

We weren't real.

You broke my heart. Tore it to pieces, and the worst part was that I was stuck with you for the rest of the year, sitting right by my side for a full hour and a half every single day. I could no longer turn to you without getting stabbed in the chest. I could no longer talk to you without feeling gut-wrenching pain at the thought of you with someone else.

I could no longer have you be my first anything.

After you, I resorted to acceptance: acceptance of the idea that I would never be loved, that I would never be lovable, that I would always be alone. You were my best friend and you couldn't even love me, so how would anyone else who never talked with me be able to love me.

It's simple: they wouldn't.

Because of you, I passed up so many people, so many opportunities, all because of my irrational fear of being hurt again.

But you also helped me to find a new love, a new happiness, a new beginning.

The heartbreak you put me through helped me find my new self.

Before you, I was shy. I was closed off. I was scared.

During you, I was hopeful. I was happy.

After you, I was upset. I was heartbroken. I was defensive.

And then I found myself.

I was no longer mad at you, but thankful. Without this heartbreak, I never would have become as strong as I am now. I would still be emotionally fragile. I would still be scared.

I was no longer heartbroken, as this heartbreak taught me how to mend myself together again. I learned how to fix myself, how to rely on myself when it comes to tough things in life.

I was no longer defensive, but instead protective of others. I see the world around me as broken, and I want to do everything I can to help rebuild and protect the world.

Because of you breaking me, I learned how to be stronger, I learned how to rebuild myself, and I learned how to find good during the bad.

I learned who I am.

And yes, who I am now also involves a new love, but I am still not as easily broken as I was. Now, I know that I can rely on myself more than anyone. Now, I am my own protector.

Now, I am my own greatest love.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for shattering me. Thank you for breaking me to a point that I thought was beyond repair, because it was just what I needed.

The pain pushed me to find myself, and that is something I could never have gotten to without you.

Thank you, from the bottom of my formerly-shattered heart, I truly do mean it.

breakups
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About the Creator

Emberleigh Mae

A person who wants to share her opinions with the world, who is sick of being told off for having an opinion.

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