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That's Called "Falling In Love"

Surprise! Turns out your obsession is "normal."

By Amber MaraPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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"I obsess over people, that's just my thing," I said, sitting cross-legged across the room.

"Obsess...you keep using that word. What does that mean? What does that look like?"

"OK, well, like, I get obsessive. I don't know." I tried to form the words that would accurately depict this all-consuming feeling that begins with a boil in my stomach and a loss of sensible thought. "I guess it's kind of like an overwhelming need. Like with my ex, I was always wondering what he was doing, or when he would message me, and whether or not he actually wanted to chill or was just agreeing to my invitation..." I trailed off.

"Lex, that's called falling in love."

"Oh."

So it turns out that I've fallen in love quite a bit then. Some would say that I'm pretty lucky; I'd say those people have never been in love.

I was that little girl who truly believed I'd meet my one-and-only Prince Charming, know immediately, and then run off into the sunset together, never doubting or questioning it. Now that I'm a (semi) functioning adult, I realize that it's no coincidence that title's acronym is PC, because it's definitely the more Politically Correct way to say "Piece of Crap." Now this view has nothing to do with tainted past experiences or the people I've loved. I think people are great, and relationships can be beautiful experiences. People offer so much and everyone can give you something different that no one else can. Meeting people and experiencing life together can be so wonderful; what is not so wonderful, though, is falling in love.

Hear me out; imagine you're in a coma. You can see yourself lying on the hospital bed attached to all sorts of tubes; you keep screaming at yourself to just get up. It's so easy! Just move! But you don't, obviously; you're in a coma.

Falling in love is sort of the same. You feel all sort of logic and reasoning drip from your body as you're left watching this once rational being make decisions and choices that would never have otherwise happened, and there is nothing you can do about it. You suddenly care about another being's every move, not even out of jealousy or neediness, you genuinely want to know everything about them, what they're doing, when they'll next talk to you, see you...You want it all. They're the first you want to tell when something happens, good or bad. Their pain is yours and you're always hyperaware of their presence. You leave yourself during your time together and your needs are just never as important until you know theirs are satisfied.

Now ideally, they want what's best for you too and push you to achieve your goals, but that is the very unlikely best case scenario. And as wonderful as that will be, you still just think about them. You want them to be happy and they're your first thought in the morning and the last one at night. It's all consuming.

People who tell me I'm lucky have never been in love. I have left a piece of myself with each person that I have loved, just like I have a bit of them that will never leave me. The people I love have shaped me into who I am, trading pieces and parts to make up what is me. I loved our time together and appreciate all that they have taught me, but now, I am my own first and last thought of the day, as I should be.

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About the Creator

Amber Mara

Outgoing introvert. Exhausted by the intricacies of my own mind.

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Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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  • Cliff7 months ago

    Interesting insight. 6 years and no one commented? Even more interesting. Amber (a beautiful name), I have been in love four times. Growing to love someone and falling in love are two completely different experiences. I have fallen in love twice. All consuming is a perfect statement. So is the first and last thoughts of every day. To lay in bed and see my baby asleep and her beautiful face in its perfect form on the other pillow, knowing she is mine, knowing her last thoughts when falling asleep with that cute little smile, are of me, are of us, are our unknown future, and to truly know that is true, well there is nothing better in life. There is no better feeling than falling in love. There is no better feeling of truly being in love with an angel from heaven. How humble I feel, how lucky I am, how special two people in love really is. When you see and treat your partner like an angel and the only desire in your life is to make my baby happy, is the most powerful and satisfying feeling possible. And I crave it again. I want to fall in love one more time. And at 60, I am sure the girl I fall for this time will be unto the end. Until one of us lays down with the other beside. Waiting for such a girl to come along is and can be painful. Craving something you know you can't buy, can't find online, can't make happen. Is just a waiting game. And then one day BOOM! When you least expect it, out of nowhere, there she is. An angel from heaven appears before my eyes. For me just seeing her face and experiencing her smile, and hearing her laugh is like a switch going off in my head. After all that waiting, it snaps "on" in an instant and I have no doubt. That feeling in my stomach, the excitement, the anticipation is overwhelming and extraordinary. Then its a matter of seeing if this angel likes my approach. And if this angel, no matter how much she thinks she might not want another "man", can be very carefully coerced into having her precious mind changed. Because I am a good man. Still, a challenge indeed. And one I take on willingly. How can a good man not? For any man not to want to experience the deepest feelings humanly possible is a sad thing. For I, do. And Amber, in just a single day and night in the most unexpected way, I met two girls I would love to be with. Both so different, but both so amazing. As the night went on I felt myself drawn toward one more than the other. And that one girl, I am in the coercion stage. The desire, the anticipation, the hope and imagining is consuming me already. And I love that feeling. Maybe I won't win. Maybe I won't win either girl. But if I do, one of them, and the one I am drawn to the most, will become the happiest girl on planet earth. Because there is nothing more important than love and loyalty. There is nothing else worth living for if you're not in love.

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