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The 10 Stages of Heartbreak

And moving on.

By Cherry ColaPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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No room here at The Heartbreak Hotel

You’ve come here because the deed has been done. And it’s horrible, and it’s the worst but everyone at some point in life experiences it. Love comes under the same neurological functioning that processes drugs, it is a literal addiction. So let’s learn how to wean off.

1. The Grieving Period

Take as much time as you feel fit, to allow yourself to be sad. No matter how it ended, because it was meaningful, it’s a loss. So tuck yourself in, release those emotions, just realise this time will soon pass.

2. No Contact Period

Unless your breakup is very amicable and you are really super glad to be friends immediately, there needs to be a NO CONTACT period. I repeat NO contact. You will want to stay connected. You will miss them and so you will want to talk to them at any expense and with any excuse. DON’T. The only way to fall out of love and move on as painlessly as possible is NO CONTACT, and this should be for a significant amount of time. If this means you have to adjust your social media not to be tempted of talking and stalking, it should be done. In this time you will be without them fully and experience the first time in a while without their presence. It will enable you to readjust.

3. The Anxiety Period

Worries, panic and paranoia that this was the worst thing to have happened. The state of feeling helpless and out of control. You’ll want to get back into their arms and see them for one last time. You will question if you’ll ever be okay for a moment, and for sure you will.

4. Anything Goes

In your grief you may go to excessive lengths and indulge in unhealthy behaviours just to forget. This can be one night stands, alcohol intake increasing, going recklessly clubbing, eating for comfort etc etc etc. It's similar to the likes of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. Whatever your vices may be in this stage NONE of it is beneficial. For sure you may think it is fun at the time, but upon reflection it ALWAYS makes you feel even more down in the dumps. You cannot replace your lost lover with these behaviours. Not to mention you could harm yourself. But the inevitable phase will most definitely happen. Brace yourself.

5. Changing

Undergoing physical change in attempts to pick yourself up will happen. Getting back to the gym, buying new clothes, a new hair cut and it’s not a myth. We change our appearance when a stage of renewal has approached, and this is a damn good feeling.

6. Self Focused

Now that your attention isn’t aloof - it is all on you. You live for yourself and your goals. You become determined and adjusted to doing you at all times. You are able to recreate after a period of loss, and this is fresh and exhilarating.

7. Getting Out There

Activities, friends, meeting new people, adventure, fun, travels, realising that beyond your heartbreak a whole realm of new possibilities is at present. This is an exciting time, and the world is yours for you to take.

8. Forgiving

No matter how it went down it is important that you find the strength within you to truly forgive everything that happened. Forgive yourself, forgive them, forgive but no need to forget. When we forgive we allow ourselves to move on freely with no negative energy. Take your time and graciously find your forgiveness.

9. Happiness

Not that you have forgotten about your heartbreak or the special person, you still think of them, but it’s just you are very happy and actually happy without them. When you invest in yourself and your life, you can now see past the rain. The days are gone where your love is a drug. You recognise your memories with them and hold that for yourself, but you are content with your bright future.

10. Reconciliation

After time it is possible your ex will reach out to you or vice versa. It is completely your choice if you decide that you are ready to let this happen or to let it happen at all. Keep it brief, keep it positive, keep it nice. You’ll be surprised at how different it is, but how pleasant it was. And best of all, you won’t feel any pain.

Life really does go on and every event happens for a reason. What you will take away from this experience is just one tool in your life kit.

breakups
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About the Creator

Cherry Cola

A young creative bringing you inspirational readings from my life experiences.

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