The Barber's Daughter

Nothing pains me more than seeing someone in an abusive relationship. Physical or otherwise.

But the absolute worst is seeing someone otherwise innocent sell themselves short and date somebody of no character at all. (Mostly, because you can’t call the cops on an a**hole, just for being an a**hole).

Last time I was getting my haircut, the barber told me about how her daughter was in a relationship with a young guy with no ambition.

He had no job. No money. No transportation. And lived in the basement of his parents. As a result, this daughter would drive him everywhere. Pay his way. And worst of all? HE EXPECTED HER TO.

Luckily, the relationship didn’t last long, but the fact that it lasted more than five minutes is the most surprising. Relationships studies tell us she lacked the self-esteem and self-worth to realize that he was taking advantage of her (besides the obvious tangible short-comings of his own life).

Now don’t get me wrong. There have been periods in my adult life where I didn’t have a car, or my housing situations weren’t glamourous. Hell, there have even been a couple dates where I was so poor, I literally borrowed ingredients from friends to make a dinner.

And let’s face it, nearly everyone’s borrowed a Netflix password at some point.

The real problem was not that he lacked ambition. That was merely a symptom of the real issue: zero character. Possessions aside, it was clear he assumed no responsibility in his own life.

It is ever-important to avoid these people like the plague.

These “irresponsible people” will be the first to:

• Make bad decisions
• Ignore consequences
• Pass blame
• Take opportunistic advantage of others
• Act selfishly
• Justify their situation/actions

All in an infinite loop.

People like this sicken me. And it’s terrible that relationships like the barber’s daughter's exist. But, it’s a reality my kids will never know.

How?

Two beliefs Dani and I demonstrate on a daily basis:

• The “Act” of Love (not the feeling)
• Mutual Respect

And while it’s easy to say "Love and Respect is given," then why aren’t more people in healthier relationships?

The reason: they are two sides of the same coin. And while many people can execute one, they severely lack in the other. If not both.

Most people understand and are familiar with respect. To regard something or someone highly, and treat accordingly. The problem is that few people respect themselves.

As for love, too many people misunderstand it to be a feeling. The obvious signs: “I know it when I feel it” paradigm, or “Are they the one?” It’s why too many people end up “in love” after sex or find themselves in abusive relationships.

The reality is that “definition” of love is wrong. It’s not ONLY about how you feel.

To love is to feel AND act lovingly.

We all have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. To love is sharing these things with each other and fulfilling as many as we can.

Thus, to love unconditionally is to love without requiring love in return. True love is when two or more people unconditionally love each other (familial or romantic). And while some people grasp this concept, they run into trouble if they don’t respect themselves.

Hence, the other side of that coin. And the phrase: “You must first respect and love yourself before you can give love to someone else.”

Otherwise, you’ll end up like the barber’s daughter dating the irresponsible. Unloved and disrespected.

The good news? The barber’s daughter learned, and eventually found and married the love of her life.

So did I. And so can you.