The Bed

She sat on her porch, listening to the sounds of downtown Vancouver; raindrops pouring, cars in heavy traffic on Highway 1, and homeless people yelling at each other for more heroin. By now, Fatima got used to these sounds alone.

As she was listening to the sounds of the city, she took in the sensation of being on her porch; cold, but bearable, cozy in her mini couch, with hot tea in her hands. She felt at peace, even with the homeless people screaming at each other.

After a good five minutes of taking in her surroundings, Fatima decided to go back inside her minimalist apartment, going back to her unmade bed. She paused at the foot of her bed, looking at it. A queen sized bed for a 4"11 Filipino girl; so much space that was once filled by two people.

"Johnny..." Fatima whispered.

Saying that name left bitterness and sweetness all at once. A name she swore she would never say nor think about. But looking at her bed gave her the most memorable moments from the highlight of her young adult life:

They would cuddle each other when the heater wasn't working, watch Friends all day on their days off from work at UNIQLO. They would study like hell together even though Fatima was taking criminology and Johnny was becoming a nurse.

Johnny and Fatima would have pillow fights and later fix the bed after messing it up so bad. Fatima smiled to herself as she reminisced the good days. But her smile soon faded as soon as the last memory of them together appeared when Fatima came home that one night from a long shift to find that he was in bed with another girl. It was the one girl who got Johnny and Fatima together in the first place. The one girl whom she told everything to, the one girl she once called her sister.

It was as if the once warm and welcoming apartment went ice cold when Johnny and Fatima locked eyes as he was making out with her best friend. Fatima didn't remember exactly what she said, but one thing she remembered clearly were the tears and the screaming she did out of pain and hurt. Her best friend ran for the door, grabbing her things as she went, and left Johnny on the bed, covering his bare body with the sheets. Distraught and full of rage and confusion, Fatima started grabbing his suitcase and started pouring his drawers of clothing into the suitcase. Tears kept streaming down her face as she put more of his clothes into the suitcase. She felt Johnny behind her, trying to apologize for the "mistake" he did to her, but she pushed him off, screaming and yelling. Fatima locked up the suitcase, put it by the door, and stared straight at Johnny.

Still naked with the bed sheets covering his body, he understood the message that Fatima didn't want to see nor talk to him ever again. Knowing also that he won't be getting forgiveness any time soon. Covering his body and grabbing the suitcase, he opened the door and stepped outside. He just stood there, embarrassed, a loss for words, and the next thing he knew, the door behind him slammed shut, a sign that Fatima was done and over it.

A knock on the door awoke her from her little day dream of that unfortunate night. Thinking it might be the post-man, she put down her cup of now lukewarm tea by her bedside table, found a pair of shorts to put with her over sized t-shirt, and went to answer the door. There, standing right in front of her after two years, was Johnny. He looked more skinnier than usual, almost "malnourished." His face looked sunken, almost like he didn't sleep since the last time Fatima saw him. But besides the sunken face and the pale skin, the thing that stood out to her the most was his hair, he didn't have any.

As Fatima stood there in shock, Johnny gave the bright smile that attracted her to him when they first met. It was a smile that she missed a lot, but seeing the smile now made her more sad rather than happy. "Hey, Fatima. Mind if I come in? Kind of cold out here," Johnny said with a chuckle.

Shaking her head out of the initial shock of seeing her ex-boyfriend, she ushered him inside.

Once inside, Johnny took in the apartment that the two of them once shared. It was a bit empty since Johnny left, since it was mostly his stuff that took up a lot of the space. He looked around, took in the new look of the apartment, and went to the living room and sat down on the couch.

Awkwardness filled the air.

"Do you want something to drink? Coffee maybe?" Fatima asked after a good five minutes of awkward silence.

"Just some tea would be nice, thank you," he said with a smile.

Fatima nodded and started boiling the water for some tea. While waiting for the water to boil, she walked to the living room and sat in front of Johnny.

Johnny stared at the floor, barely making any eye contact. "I didn't mean to just abruptly come here, you know. I've been meaning to call for some time—"

"Then why didn't you call?" Fatima interrupted.

Johnny chuckled, "I guess I couldn't bring myself to call you after what I did to you."

He looked up from the floor and looked straight into her eyes. Fatima looked right back, showing him that she was a different person than who she was two years ago. There was something in his eyes that Fatima couldn't really point out, but it didn't look good.

"So why did you come here, Johnny? You didn't bother to call, e-mail, text or even try to stop by in the past two years so why now?" Fatima was getting impatient with the awkward silence that was lingering between them.

Johnny hesitated, and with just that alone, Fatima knew something was up. Did it have something to do with his "new look"? She didn't want to make any assumptions about why he looked the way he did at the moment and she didn't want to think about it.

Johnny took a deep breath and said,

"I've been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, Fatima."

Fatima's stomach dropped. Bone marrow cancer? Her mind was jumbled up with so many questions, so many things to say, but Johnny continued.

"About six months after that night, I started feeling weird while working at the hospital. I was feeling easily tired, thirsty, I've been losing a tone of weight. Since I was in the hospital, a friend of mine who knows a well-known doctor in our hospital checked me out and...well, they said I was showing signs of bone marrow cancer. They did further testing, and they saw that my symptoms are in their last stage, so it's beyond curing."

The entire time Johnny was talking, all Fatima could do was listen, frozen and unable to respond. Tears started welling up the more he talked and explained his situation, but it was the next statement that stopped her heart for a good five seconds.

"Fatima, I have less than a month to live."

Her stomach dropped even lower than it did the first time. A month to live? Why? Why did it have to be a month? Was there really nothing the doctors and even the specialists can do to help Johnny?

His mouth was moving, but words didn't come out. It was drowned out, his words, because all she could hear was the last phrase about him having a month to live. She felt numb all over, not knowing how to react or how to handle the news.

The sound of the kettle on the stove broke her trance state.

"I'll go get the tea," Fatima said.

She got up and walked towards the kitchen to turn the stove off, ignoring whatever Johnny had just said, and just as she was about to pour the tea into a cup, she felt arms wrap around her. Although he was super skinny, the strength in his hug was tight and reassuring. The warmth of his body on hers calmed Fatima down somewhat which gave her the courage to turn around and embrace Johnny.

After two years of no talking, no texting, not even bumping into each other in public places, she was finally back into his arms. Even though that event separated the two and ruined their relationship, she still loved him. It was just that in that moment, she lost all trust towards Johnny, yet she still loved him. Deep down, Fatima forgave Johnny a long time ago, but she didn't want to seem like the woman that would get defeated that easily. She thought that maybe if she just cut everything off completely, she can continue life without having to deal with a garbage of a man.

But deep down, she really missed his silliness, his charms, the way how he would whisper "moist" into her ear and laugh at her reactions. How could she let just one stupid mistake end their entire relationship? If only she assessed the situation and handled it properly, then maybe she would've been with him a bit longer before finding out about his illness. Just maybe...

"Fatima, look at me," Johnny said.

Fatima didn't realize that she was hugging him for a long time, and separated from him to look into his eyes.

"I know what I did was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that and I am so sorry, you have no idea. That night, Christine was "drunk" and came over looking for you. You weren't there cause you were at work and I thought I would be a good person to watch over Christine before you came home. But one thing led to another and..."

"That doesn't explain why you had to get into bed with her. You were sober, she wasn't so you had the conscious mind in this entire situation, yet you let it get to where it did," Fatima said, backing away from him and started walking towards the living room.

Johnny grabbed Fatima's arm and turned her to face him.

"I was persuaded and I know I shouldn't have done that. There's no excuse for me at this point, Fatima. I know I was wrong. I acknowledge that I was a mess—and I still am a mess—but please know that ever since that day, I have been feeling like crap the past two years. Knowing that I have hurt you that bad after being with you for so long...I couldn't bring myself to face you and tell you how sorry I am."

The look in his eyes were sincere, sorrowful, and full of hurt. He really was sorry and regretful.

"Johnny..." Fatima gently said. "I have forgiven you a long time ago, but the fact that you didn't come visit me, or call or text me during that time was what got me wondering. Maybe you went to be with Christine? Maybe you two were already planning your wedding and I wouldn't get invited? You should've at least told me something..."

Silence. Dead silence filled the apartment as Fatima and Johnny looked at each other, until she saw Johnny's eyes well up with tears.

"Fatima, I came back here for one last chance before I go. Please. Just one last chance to be with me. I want you to be by my side before I go to heaven. Fatima, please, I beg of you. I don't want to leave knowing that your face was not the last face I saw before leaving this earth." As those words slipped out of Johnny's lips, the tears overflowed, showing how desperate he was for her.

She thought carefully. Considering both of their situations at the very moment, where she was at in her studies and at her workplace, and considering everything that Johnny has been through up until this point, she felt the need to be there for him, but it won't be the same as it was before.

Fatima took a big gulp of air and said, "Okay, listen. We have been through some tough stuff ever since that night, and honestly, I don't want to focus on what happened in the past. What matters now is what's happening right here and now."

A slight pause. What is she thinking? Will she really stay with someone who first of all broke her heart and second of all is going to leave this earth by the end of the month, which will then leave her more heartbroken?

No, she cannot have that type of mindset. She knows deep down how much she loves Johnny, and nothing can get in the way of that, not even this stupid bone marrow cancer.

Fatima sighed after a long pause of reconsideration.

"I forgave you a long time ago, and I should've been the one to contact you first instead of hoping you would make the first move to come back. I should be the one apologizing for my stupid reaction and I want to make it up to you. To be honest, deep down, I still love you. Nothing is going to get in the way of my love for you. I want to treasure you even more now, and we will get through this together, understand me?" Fatima stared straight into his eyes, looking for some happiness.

Finally, Johnny smiled back at her with the widest smile she has ever seen. It was the bright smile that brought warmth and reassurance that in the next month, they will spend a lot of time together and make sure that they will spend those moments with care.

Johnny bent down to give Fatima a kiss.

Their lips touched and a new spark was fired between them. More than a new spark, it was a spark that has been re-lit because of Fatima's forgiveness towards Johnny, even though it took her a long time for her to admit that a lot of it was her fault. Yes, Johnny was a lot in the wrong, but the fact that he was humble enough to come back knowing that he doesn't have much time left on earth is better than doing nothing at all.

Their love was made anew and together they lied down on the bed that broke them apart, but has now brought them back together.

Note from author:This story never happened to me, but it's something that I needed to get off my chest. A mix of things that either happen in romance movies or have actually happened in real life. I'm a second year criminology student trying to get by and I am currently experiencing the most complex love story (which will be posted up another time).