The Beginning....No No.. Alpha... Wait.. Genesis..... 1st? Anyways, First Entry..or Story.. Blog? Something

I'm not even sure how I came across this page. HA! But I think it's pretty cool. Maybe someone will read my thoughts. Not literally. Obviously. Hope that's obvious.

Friends. Friendship. Homie. Comrade. Friend... Friend... Friend.

Geez. Feels like I use, then subsequently lose the meaning of it. I had friends in elementary school. I don't talk to them anymore. Actually, scratch that. I was a lame-o. Not like a skid or anything. But I was picked on. Bullied. Beat up. Chased home. Called names. ALL THE TIME. I'm sure I'm sure I had a friend. Maybe two.

High school; well, I had a couple friends. Now I don't talk to them now either. Ok, well one. Very rarely though. But it's good to keep in contact so I'm told.

It's so weird. I go to work and people there are friendly. I call them friends in a goofy voice or as sincere as one could be in hopes to continue to not ostracize oneself and be out of a job. At home, I talk about it. Then I'm told "Oh, they're your work friends." What the hell is that!?

I thought friends were just friends. I guess not. I mean there are so many levels. Work friends. Home friends. Family friends. Old friends. I call people friends all the time. But I feel deep down I don't mean it. I feel cheap when I do it too! It just feels like such a vice to me that I can’t just be completely honest with someone.

This guy at work, real blabbermouth. Just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. Furthermore, the guy is a know it all and is (somehow) in a position of power. It is absolutely ridiculous. I tried so hard to like and be his friend. Now, unfortunately, he thinks we're best buds. I can’t just tell him we ain’t. Because of the place I work at, I feel it’d be held against me. Or he would act in reprisal… being all punitive and crap.

Sure, he could be a nice enough person, but I mean even that! The s*** I’ve heard come out his mouth is total garbage. I won’t go into detail about what he’s said. It’s just messed up.

I call my one friend from high school that I talk to, still my homie. Because we've been through a lot (and I mean a lot - maybe I'll elaborate on another story, or entry, blog. Whatever this is called... on my next 'Vocal').

Are we all just filling a spot for the moment? Does a true friend actually exist? Like I mean TRUE. I've been down or come across hard times but my friends weren't there. Not that they're obligated, but I would and have for them at times. Just sayin’.

I’m not sure I have any friends or true ones at least. I mean there are people that I consider friends. But for me, the title has a little more meaning than just some kid you work with saying something like, ‘Hey good morning friend-o!’

I dunno. It's weird.

I never had friends like I did when I was 12. Jesus does anyone?!

(Totally bit that from Stand By Me... seemed fitting).

This was more a rant or something. I'm just trying out this page. Let us see what happens. I’m not even sure if I’m doing this right. Maybe I’ll find a friend here on Vocal.media. Probably not though. Wishful thinking I guess. Well until my next entry of whatever is on my mind, I hope you all have a great time doing whatever it is you do and maybe find a friend in the meantime.

P.S. I just want to clarify that I’m NOT some single middle-aged man living alone in a basement surviving off of drywall and my tears… These are just my random thoughts.

Peace