The Blur

I think there are some persons that you meet and without really noticing, blurs a bit who you are. Sometimes in a bad way. Sometimes in a good way. This one was both. I have to admit I’ve always had zero shit luck when it came to lovers. I’ve never known how to pick them and I still haven’t figured it all out. But him. Man, he was what I thought was perfect. It’s funny how our hearts can be tricked so easily by our eyes. He was the dark, not that tall, handsome. Yet full of life. Full of passion. And perhaps it’s why I clanged to it so hard. Because it was the light that I desperately needed. I could sit here and spat all the things you did wrong, all the ways you hurt me. But the truth is, when it comes to you, I think I hurt myself. I was in a weak state, I needed something to grasp, to feel and you were it. I transferred all my insecurities to your actions and somehow declared war against you to then run back to you. Maybe you knew, I think you knew I needed you. Perhaps it’s why you stayed this long. And I hope you know I’m sorry. I hope you know that, even if it could be hell sometimes, it did help me. You blurred a bit of who I am. And it made me worst. But then it made me better. I found in you comfort, hope, motivation, self-love. But I needed you gone before I could breathe those beautiful gifts. It’s like you were there to teach me essential lessons but I couldn’t hear them while you were here. And then we parted and they slowly came, softly materializing in the back of my mind. Thank you for leaving, for doing what I couldn’t have done myself. And I’m so sorry. I was selfish and insecure. Now I understand. I hope you’re happy, I want you to know that I am. I want you to know that this destructive path we crossed together weren’t in vain. It made me this person who lives for the sun in the morning, who gives herself over to her passions. Who believes that her craziest dreams will happen. But mostly who believes she deserves it. I often say that every person you meet as a predestined role in your life. Whether it is someone you meet for a night only, someone who walks a little longer with you or a friend that has been there all your life. Every person tints a part of your soul, makes you grow... Makes you whole. And sometimes we can’t see it, we’re too stubborn or blinded by every little insignificant detail. But it’s still there, it’s still happening. I’m not giving you all the credits thought, you gave me the seeds, I planted them. Nourished them. Watched them grow. I put in the work. You showed me the right path. And whenever nothing feels right anymore, all I need to do is think of what you indirectly bestowed upon me and I know I’ll be just fine on my own.

Now you are not so dark, not that tall, still handsome and full of life. And I’m full of light.

***This one is personal, scattered a bit like my brain most of the times. I hope you liked it. I hope some of you can relate to my deepest thoughts. And I hope you, yes you, stumble your way upon this and recognise yourself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.