The Breakup

My mom's word's ripped through my head "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." But when you're 15 and you find that one person that becomes the source of all your happiness. Being that young, being that in love, being that dumb. The odds of winning the lottery were greater than me listening to my mom's advice. But dang, how I wish I listened because mom was right. Someone took my basket and I was left eggless.

I hate how it felt, not knowing, where he was going. Doing God knows what, with God knows who. That physically made me ill. He lied to me about his love affair and told me that he loved me anyway. That there wasn't anyone else. And when you've known a person for that long and you love them that much, you believe them. Some time passed and I found out the truth, but not from him. That made me mentally ill.

Stitching myself back up and reaching some sort of sanity was one big bullet I had to bite. In life, there comes a time when you have to choose whether to stay stuck reading the same page or to close the book and pick up another. This was one of those times.

This is how it all started. My heart was palpitating, my stomach was cramping, and my ankles were on the verge of giving out. I could barely breathe and as I turned to my side to see who was about to pass me, I lost the last bit of breath I had in me. I guess you could say he was breathtaking, leaving me breathless, in a state of feeling like I had been hit with 1000 Cupid arrows and it wasn't even Valentine's Day. It was the third day of practice. But he wasn't just a boy, he was a hurricane and we were walking and talking right in the eye. The sky was clear, the weather was calm with a few light breezes. I should've kept running.

Movie dates, the beach, running cross country, dinners together, the cuddling, the kissing, we did everything together. It was heaven on earth. Until it wasn't. Ignoring me, going out all night, leaving me out of everything, and flirting with other girls were his new favorite hobbies. And so the eye of the hurricane was shorter than I thought.

Looking at him hurt. Looking at him hurt like hell. But I stayed with him faithfully in these difficult times. His behavior stayed the same and so I decided enough was enough and so I moved away. He nagged and begged me to stay but it was too late. I left and I did what he did to me out of rage and jealousy. He created a tornado in me and everyone hated me for it.

Isolated in colder weather. Stuck on that one page. One step forward and two steps back. I was angry at him for turning me into something I am not and leaving me in this labyrinth of inner struggle. But then he went and did the worst thing you could possibly do—move on and lie about it. Movie dates, the beach, dinners together, the cuddling, the kissing—I had no clue. He left me stuck in his maze of false hope. I lost my identity.

"After all we've been through?" I thought. How could he do this to me and then lie about it? I was hurt and that's why I left. What was his reason? Why—just why? All questions I will never have the answer to.

I know that usually, I don't make the best of choices when it comes to love. There's just so many emotions: anger, jealousy, happiness, and fear. It's so powerful. All those emotions had gotten the best of me for a fine time. But believe it or not, I couldn't blame him for it anymore. It was solely my decision to stay stuck in that labyrinth of jealousy and pettiness. Trying to rekindle old flame from used matches, oddly enough, helped me come to my realization of how pointless it was to be stuck on that one page when there are so many other books. And so I closed the book—I started doing new things that trigger new synopses.

Although I did and still do love him very much I realize sometimes people leave, things change. You can't choose what happens, but you can choose what you make out of what happens. I could've chosen to stay bitter and angered, stuck in some Labyrinth like I did for quite some time. But time is still passing, the world is still revolving, and the world is so full of greater chances. I used to blame him for leaving me stuck on a time that I used to wish still existed. I don't do that anymore. I let my heart break get the best of me but I'm not going to anymore. I'm not a tornado. I'm Laura Ortega. I'm ready to pick up new books, begin new chapters, and meet new characters. It's a big world out there and I wonder where I'm gonna land.