The Coffee Date

I am sure that most, if not all, of you have been asked on a date you weren’t so sure about. And if you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. But beware; your time is coming.

However, first dates don’t have to be all that terrible. Through copious experience, I have found the best sort of first date is a coffee date. I have been on enough “Coffee Dates” to consider it abnormal to not meet someone at a coffee shop at least twice a month. From my experience, I have gleaned a plethora of ideas that can help turn that potentially awkward first date into a casual, entertaining, and fun experience.

Here are some helpful tips, for both ladies and gents, I have picked up along the way:

1. Coffee dates are a casual way to meet someone in a public place without the serious connotations that “you’re on a date.” Yes, you’re on a date with a relative stranger, but in what is hopefully a more relaxed environment. They take away the expectation that the guy is supposed to buy everything (not that he can’t offer), and they’re are also casual enough that, if you find yourself in a sticky situation, you shouldn’t feel bad about having to leave.
2. Don’t be afraid to call the shots. Take charge and suggest places where you feel comfortable. The decision should be mutual, but it is always a good thing to be on familiar ground.
3. Be early. Seriously. I can’t stress this one enough. Not only does arriving at least 5 minutes early give you time to compose yourself, to fix your hair or lipstick, it shows you’re organized and on top of things. You also have a little extra time to decide what to order.
4. Leave your house with plenty of time to spare. You never know what the traffic or parking situations might be like, and if you need a few extra minutes looking for a spot, it’s better to start the search 5 minutes early than 5 minutes after you were supposed to meet.
5. Look your best. It doesn’t matter if you might not want to be there, but you should still look hella slay. Dressing well gives you an element of confidence. And, I can assure you, the effort you put into looking nice will not go unnoticed. A little cologne or perfume isn’t a bad idea, either.
6. Have an out. Any sort of plausible (or implausible) excuse that can get you out of an awkward situation should work, even if it’s just needing to go home and do laundry. Family affairs also work well.
7. Try to keep the conversation going by asking questions about your date and their lives. People like to talk about themselves. I know, I know; small talk is terrible. But at least when you ask the questions, you can direct where the conversation is going, therefore leading it into areas of potential mutual interest. Drop leading questions, or make comments that could hint at a new tangent. Just. Keep. Them. Talking. Awkward silence is only as awkward as you make it, but a long pause is enough to throw both of you off your game.
8. Communicate until your date is walking towards the shop. It may sound stalkerish, but it’s nice to know where they are, if they’re coming, or if they’re bailing (for any reason) so you can plan what to do next. Alternately, if you’re the one running late, let your date know that you’re on your way, and to not give up on you! Even if you’re a just a few minutes behind, it’s polite to let them know that you are still interested in meeting up. When you arrive, offer an apology, and get on with things.
9. Bring a book or something to do while you wait. If you’re there earlier than seems reasonable (I have a tendency to arrive 15 minutes early just to get a few pages in), it’s better to look like you’re doing something rather than anxiously waiting for your date to arrive. You appear relaxed, composed, and gives you time to settle your nerves. If, like me, you’re a fiddler, bring a notebook as well: anything to keep you occupied until you’re date arrives is fine.
10. If you have indeed decided to go on a coffee date, think of what you want to order before you get in line. It saves time, and the sooner you get your drink, the sooner you can sit down and dive into what is hopefully an engaging, entertaining, and enjoyable hour or two with an interesting human.
11. Don’t be afraid to say yes. It isn’t as if you’re going to marry this person. Just a coffee, right? I mean, they had the guts to ask you out, why not give them a chance? Most likely you will have a good time, plus another notch on “the dating experience pole.” And who knows. You might make a lasting connection with your date. Even if you don’t think there will be a second or third date, you ultimately have a budding friendship! (Unless of course they give you a weird AF vibe. Then politely decline their offer with one of you’re prepared outs.)

And, there you go. These are not rules, but more like loose guidelines to consider when going out on a date, be it the first, second, or twentieth date. I hope you, dear reader, found this list to be helpful. And if not, I hope you enjoyed reading it anyways.

Good luck, friends. May the coffee be good, the company even better, and the conversations stimulating!

KU