The Dangerous Investment of Being Real

How to Avoid Being Real with Others

From a young age, I've felt that there are two worlds that we exist in:

1. the place that "exists in us," which is our very private and unique place called "the mind," "the brain," or "our inner world"; and
2. the place that "we exist in," which is the more public and shared place called "reality," "the exterior," or "the outside world."

I struggle with being vulnerable and being my real self sometimes. I find it so risky to let someone come in and see everything that I've carried that's good and bad. Maybe it's because, in attempts of doing so in the past, I've been hurt, ridiculed, turned away, misunderstood, and what feels like abandoned because this world won't always know what to do with you and what you bring. That line sounds a bit harsh, "what to do with you." But that's what it feels like sometimes. By nature, we like to react to what this world gives us, and those reactions can easily be driven and influenced by one's opinions. To give parts of ourselves to so many people comes with an abundance of reactions, and it may not go well every single time.

Being afraid of those reactions has led me to be very minimal with what I share. While it has kept me in a very safe space, it has come with consequences. The flaw with being so careful about what I share to avoid being hurt by others is that, no matter how safe it is to lock myself up in my own mind and my own space, untouched and unaffected, in the end, it always feels so lonely. Why does it feel so good to get something off your chest? Why does it feel so healthy to confide in someone who's trustworthy by sharing something that is so heavy on your heart and your thoughts? Because it makes you feel like you're not alone in something anymore. They may not see exactly HOW you shape and record the situation in your mind but at least they have an idea of what you're going through. Then, when you lose it, someone can come and say, "Hey, I know. We can get through this."

Being yourself, being real, and being vulnerable are risks to take because not everyone you trust will honor and protect what you share with them. But, if you want any real chance at being truly loved, truly connecting with someone on a special level, and really allowing someone to teach you something meaningful and relevant to your soul, there's an investment to make and a risk that comes with it.

I am learning that the risk is worth it. I think it's worth it to share who I am with others selflessly, rather than to hide what special things I have to offer selfishly, just to avoid it being misused. Although not everyone will understand you, not everyone will be out to get you. Not everyone is there to hurt you, and, though even those that love you may fall short and hurt you as well, it is worth it to believe in them enough and to believe in the love you share together. I am learning that love will bring the means to make things whole. And seeing love abound in hopeless situations between two imperfect people will teach you that it really is worth it to let go and be yourself.

The best thing that you have to offer is the authentic perspective that you hold in that mind of yours. While you should not share absolutely everything in regards to being polite (LOL), it is OK to be vulnerable and to be intentional about not leaving everyone in the dark.

There are two worlds we can exist in. Some of us prefer one way more than the other. But know that what you carry on the inside will drive you and will be revealed in how you approach the things of the outer world. In how you approach and love or don't love others.

This is all a reminder for me. We were made to connect and to be in a relationship with one another, to never be alone. There are so many of us waiting to be loved. Let yourself be loved, and let yourself love others.