Humans logo

The Dating Game ;)

Let's Play!!

By KCPublished 6 years ago 10 min read
Like

So we've all been in the game. We've all swiped right, swiped left and now we have aches in our thumbs. Right? Ok, maybe the thumb ache is just me then, haha. Anyway the point is, we've all moved the pawns and queens in the chess game of dating. I myself, have no idea what I'm doing. Ok, none of us have an exact idea but I've had fun finding out, speaking to other women about it and telling stories of the strange but true guys I've had the misfortune of meeting. Well I say misfortune but the truth is, I've learnt something from each of them...don't swipe right!! Haha.

Right, so my background of dating ended at 16 years old and started again at 30 so I've had three years in the new age dating scene. Swiping, bumbling, fishing...it was a completely new language to me. I turned to a group of my girlfriends at first and they gave me a few snippets of their dating experiences. Now, they had some great stories...one was asked by her boyfriend to role play and pretend to be a piece of cheese on the kitchen table and the guy wanted to be a mouse that was going to eat the cheese!!!! LMAO!! I can't remember if she actually did it. Other stories from girlfriends were along the same strange line that I really didn't want to walk on. These women were confident in their sexual skin and were always open about to discussing their sexual secrets. On the outside, they looked like ladies and their sexual tastes were fascinating to me. It was a whole new world to me. I'd spent my late teens and entire 20s with one man so I didn't have a dating history. Now, I was so naive that I didn't know that when a man said to go back to his to watch movies, movies were not on his mind. I had the dating view of the innocent 16-year-old I once was.

Now, my group of girlfriends gave me an insight into a sexual world but I needed dating advice and that's when I found my dating guru🙇 My cousin!!! We'd lost touch over the years but I'd found her again and she was taking me under her wing to teach me the ways of dating. I also had the advice from my brother. Having a male's perspective on this game was rather interesting. He was able to translate for me to a certain degree. I was learning the rules from different sources and I was applying them to my moves. I went on countless dates and most of them were a funny story to tell afterwards. It was hilarious. I discovered that the dating app called 'Plenty of Fish' was a big NO NO!! All sorts of oddballs were messaging me. One requested pics of my feet in exchange for cash. One said he didn't believe that I was female and I didn't make him "explode." I had requests for threesomes, to be a Dom and also to be a Sub!! These were a far distance from what I was expecting. I started to question myself. Was it the photos that I had put up? Did I look like I just wanted to have sex? What was it that I was doing to attract these strange little men!! Then I started to speak to other women and I wasn't alone. They all had their far share of Willy Wonka's. Haha. I soon discovered that the majority of men I was speaking to, were obsessed with sex. I know that it is something that we all think about and men are known for solely thinking about it, but it would be nice if it was kept under wraps for a while. One guy asked me out of the blue, on our first date, "Do you watch porn?" What the hell gave this guy the impression that he could ask me that question.

I answered honestly, "No!" and that was the last time I saw that guy.

I've heard stories of guys laying down the law for their future with one of my friends on their first date!!! He wanted to know if she would go away on holidays with her friends after she is married to which she said that she wouldn't have a problem with that. The guy then exploded and it turned into a heated debate. He told her that she obviously wasn't ready to settle down.

Another friend had a catfish! And when I say catfish I mean more like a tiger shark (ok I just made that up haha). A guy had put a pic on his profile that dated back ten years ago and when she arrived she discovered that he had a few too many visits to his dentist since then...he was now toothless. Oooo, sexy I hear you saying haha.

So my hairdresser and I have great laughs of all the dating stories that we share. She told me of a friend of a friend's story. She was dating a guy and he was very much a Facebook king that needed validation from the amount of likes his photos he received. So this guy put up pics of the friend and him to show the world that they were couple which in itself is very nice, buuuuuuuut (yes there seems to be a downside to each of my stories haha) he then suddenly stopped posting pics of them as a couple. The friend decided to ask him why. His response..."I wasn't getting as many likes so I didn't bother putting anymore pics of us up." My thoughts...what a bleep bleep bleep!!!

I met a few bleep bleeps myself haha. One guy I met was a complete bleep bleep. So I'm from Tottenham in north London. Now I went through a phase where I said I was from the next town. I had received remarks about being from Tottenham so I decided to go incognito as apparently a female from Tottenham should have at least four babies by four different "baby father's," wear a tag on their ankle and are more than likely to steal your car keys in your sleep. Haha. Basically, a rough kinda gal. So anyway, I met this guy and all he spoke about was his money, his cars and his holidays. Please note I said 'his' three times. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about me. Well apart from him saying that he was "worried about meeting me as I was from Palmers Green (my alias neighbourhood), as he might need to wear a bullet proof vest on our date." He sniggered! I laughed along and said yeah you might have also needed armed protection and police shields. Now that wiped the smug look off his face. Haha haha. All I could think was...should I tell him that I'm from Tottenham and I've recently got out of jail🤔haha. Nawww. I went to the toilet in preparation for my escape but there wasn't an exit door. Looking back I should have just walked out but I lost another 30 minutes of my life to that date haha.

I've heard other stories such as doing a runner out the back door from boring dates, making and receiving 'emergency' calls to escape dates and many other funny examples. There was, however, a darker side to dating. Stalkers, possessive and controlling characters that popped up now and again. I had a few, so had my friends. A guy investigated into her friends and family and quizzed her about them on her second date. His intention was to see if she would lie!! I had one that harassed me on Facebook after I had blocked him on my phone. We went on two dates but on date two his shady side came out. We went for a meal then onto a club. He seemed relatively normal, similar background to me and appeared to be nice. Then in the club, after a few drinks he showed a very possessive side. He was talking to people in the club and as soon as they spoke to me...he jumped in with "No no no you can't talk to her, she's on a date with me!!" He then started to stroke my hair!! He had the ticket for my coat so I demanded the ticket so I could get my coat. He had lost it!! I begged the staff to please could I get my coat as I needed to leave. He then proceeded to ask if I wanted to go back to his!! I had to get out of there. The next morning I received a text saying what a good time he had and that he'd like to see me again. I felt more comfortable and safe telling him NO WAY over text. I told him how he had acted and that I don't think it would be in my best interests to see him again. I received at least 30 missed calls and messages. The messages said things like..."I feel so angry with myself, I don't usually act like that. I can't sleep. Please give me another chance." He refused to take NO for an answer. I answered the phone and became quite firm with him telling him that if he didn't leave alone them I would contact the police. So as you can imagine, I was spooked enough to step away from online dating for a short while. It's a rinse and repeat approach with online dating apps. Many have agreed. Swipe, swipe, swipe, thumb ache, match, chat, meet, wooooooaaaaah weirdo, run, uninstall app, gap week...Swipe, swipe, swipe...and so on haha.

Now, not all of them were weirdos. I met some nice guys but that feeling wasn't there. We would be nice and polite but it just wasn't happening. I continued my quest of dating. Trying the different apps. Collecting more funny stories and sharing them. I was becoming a serial dater haha. I look at all of it as experience. I didn't have the dating saga in my twenties so now I was going through it and it was hilarious.

After extensive research of the crazy world of dating, I've come to a few conclusions and probably just as many questions as what I started with...

In the words of my dating guru (hey cuz😉), you can go dress shopping with an idea of the dress that you want, you find a dress and the dress is the wrong colour or it doesn't fit but you can't start changing the dress. The colour, the shape...as it wouldn’t be the dress you started with and you have to accept that this dress just isn’t for you. The right dress is around the corner. Now I'll be honest, I felt the need to go shopping when I was told this analogy. Haha. Now, I completely agree.

I've discovered what I like and what I don't like, what I want and what I definitely don't want. It's been an interesting journey so far. I’ve met some interesting characters. What I still don’t understand is why people play games? I know that there are many games in life but why is it so hard to meet someone that doesn’t want to play games, lie or talk complete rubbish? Finding genuine, non-game players isn’t easy. I have read articles that have given terminologies to certain behaviour patterns, such as ghosting (someone that disappears without an explanation) and love bombing (when someone seems to be head over heels for you then suddenly changes and goes cold for no reason). It’s all rather confusing haha.

So my final conclusion…I’ll continue to be honest and genuine and hope to meet someone with the same morals and values. I am not in a rush and I don’t need to be in relationship, I want to be relationship, I am happy with myself and I think I am awesome so I don’t need someone to fill a gap in my life or validate me. Any man would god damn lucky to have me…but please…weirdos are not welcome haha.

Have fun!!

dating
Like

About the Creator

KC

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.