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The Day I Realized My Worth

It came right out.

By that girlPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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It's been months.

The last time we talked, I poured my heart out and I am picking up the bits that are on the floor.

I don't think I ever knew what love was until I met you.

I have so many thoughts and haunt myself with the constant overthinking. I can't listen to certain songs, look at certain things without thinking about you. My fingers turn into angry fists. I was with you thinking...

Why can't you love me? I'll change for you!

How did I make it so easy for you to just walk right in and out of my life?

When will this all be over?

When will you just let me be?

Why did you do this?

HOW could you do this?

What did I ever do to you for you to treat me this?

Why isn't my heart meant for you?

I think to myself...

I can barely breathe. Eyes that made me melt and arms that made me feel so safe and at the same time made me feel so broken. I am here... broken, while you are living your best life, being okay with what you did.

And you are just fine.

Will this ever change?

I gave and gave and gave. I poured my all into you, kept wondering when you'd just finally let me in and see that I could be that person? Your ego can never let you love the way I wanted you to and maybe that is where I went wrong.

I was giving you my love and you wouldn't let me. I kept pushing and doing everything I could to make you realize that I was enough for you. Waiting months, days, hours, minutes, seconds... deciding. What more can I do to make you see I am enough for you and worth your time.

I realized that is where I had gone wrong. I was thinking of being enough for you and being good to you and doing everything for you that I lost myself right in the mist of it all.

I decided.

I should have never wasted my time on someone as selfish as you, someone as manipulative as you. I have wasted so much time on you thinking that one day you would realize what I am really worth.

I don't want to sound hypocritical because if we are all being honest here, not a day goes by that I don't realize that I still love you, but going through what you had put me through made me see a whole lot more of myself.

The day I realized my worth was the day I knew you didn't deserve me and you were a waste of my time.

I thank you for THAT.

I never thought we would be where we are now. I never thought that I would be grateful for the horrible circumstances you had put me through. I never thought that I would be the person I am now because you treated me horribly.

I grew into someone who could finally think of herself first before others, who doesn't have to worry about what someone else is thinking and their opinion on how I go on about my life. I was finally free.

FREE.

Free from the chains you basically had on me.

From one day to the next, you let me go. You led me to believe so many things and for so long. I still do not know how you did it, how you manage to be okay with what you did.

It isn't as big as cheating. I just think that hurting me and knowing you were hurting me in so many different ways, you would think you would have stopped.

Stopped yourself from saying different things that would have stopped me from falling harder and harder and harder each day. I still hang on to everything that you have ever said to me and that is my fault. I went in thinking that could have not been anything and you showed me wrong.

I started falling hard and you couldn't let that happen, but still managed to.

Now you're in a relationship with someone who treats you how you treated me. You're more in love with her than you ever were with "so called" me.

This is what it feels like.

I can be bitter, petty, salty, mean about your new relationship and never forgive or forget what you had ever done to me, but I decided to take it and realize MY WORTH. I will be happy for you and will continue to let you live your life how you want to.

All I ever wanted for you was for you to finally be happy. With your partner, yourself, your work. Be proud of yourself because you are without a doubt an amazing person despite of what you have done. I want you to realize these things and be okay with it.

I hope one day you can too.

breakups
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About the Creator

that girl

just a teenage girl writing bout her feelings ya know

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