The Day That Changed My Life Forever

It all started on September 24th, 2016. Zack my partner was away for work, he just started a new job doing concrete (which he was so excited about). My mom, her boyfriend and I decided we would get out of the house and go see a movie together. To be honest it was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. After the movie we decided to just go home as it was getting late. Now a little back story, me and Zack texted one another constantly. We were never not talking to one another. It was around 10:00PM at night when Zack had told me he was out at a bar in Winkler, MB with some of his coworkers playing pool and having some drinks. I was so happy for him. He didn’t have many friends and any friends he did have didn’t live in our city. So I was very happy that he was out with some coworkers making friends. The whole time he was out with his coworkers he wanted to leave. Now, this is my typical Zack. The reason he wanted to leave was not because he wasn’t having fun it was because he wanted to go back to his hotel room so we could Skype because he missed me so much. We have never gone more than a couple days without seeing one another and this time he left for work we didn’t see one another for two weeks. It was really hard for both of us.

He snapchatted me and said “I’m going to leave in 30 minutes, then we can Skype”. I was so excited as we didn’t get to talk that much that day because I was at work and then went to a movie. I was missing him. About 5 minutes later he snapchatted me and said “someone thinks I owe them money but I don’t”. I snapped him back asking him what was going on and told him to not be stupid.

About 30 minutes passed and at first I was mad. Typical jealous worried girlfriend. The thoughts that ran through my head at first were “what the hell are you doing?”, “Why won't he answer me?”. I then tried calling his phone a couple of times with no answer. I was pissed. Why would he do this to me? He knows what I’m like and he knows I will worry. I sent him a mean text and said “whatever, fuck you then I’m going to bed”. Little did I know I would never hear from him again.

About an hour or two passed by and I tried calling him again. Nothing. All of a sudden I got a phone call, it's Zack! The amount of relief I felt when his name was on the screen of my phone is unexplainable. But, it wasn’t Zack, it was some lady at the Winkler hospital. She wouldn’t tell me anything, she just asked for his mothers contact information and then hung up on me. Okay now I’m freaking out. I called Zack’s sister Cassie and she tried to calm me down but I couldn’t stop crying. Cassie said she would find out what was happening and call me back. I was in hysterics. I ran down to my moms room and woke her up. It took her awhile to get it out of me as I couldn’t stop crying, but I also couldn’t even tell her what was happening because I didn’t even know.

My mothers boyfriend took control and got a hold of the Winkler police and we had found out Zack had got beat up but we didn’t know what his condition was. We instantly got in the car and started driving to Winkler, MB from Saskatoon, SK. Cassie and Zack’s mom Tracey were on their way as well. I have had some long and crappy car rides in my lifetime but let me tell you nothing beats this drive.

I sat in the backseat completely numb for awhile not really sure what to think or what to expect. But it’s hard to know what to do without knowing his condition or knowing any details. I don’t remember when but, Cassie and Tracey had called us, they learned a little bit about Zack’s condition. All they knew was Zack had been airlifted to the Winnipeg Health Science Centre and it didn’t look good.

I now sit in the backseat with all of these thoughts racing through my head. “Zack will make it through, he cant die”, “Maybe he will be really hurt and in a wheelchair or something. It doesn’t matter I will love him and take care of him”, “maybe it will be like the note book and he will forget everything and I will have to retell him our story and he will remember our love”. All of these thoughts ran through my head. I sat there and tried to prepare myself for the worst outcome. I never prepared myself for every outcome though and certainly not the worst because I didn’t think it was possible.

Tracey called me and said “Can I please talk to your mom?”. Oh no, this can’t be good if she cant tell me what is going on. My mom then puts Tracey on speaker and she starts to tell us about Zack’s condition. Honestly most of it went in one ear and out the other because I was in a complete panic. But there were two words that hit me and they hit me hard. These are the two words that changed my life forever: BRAIN DEAD. Zack was brain dead. I was hysterical, kicking the seats and the floor, clenching my fists, crying and screaming. How could this be? Why is this happening to me? My biggest fear in life is happening to me. I’m losing the love of my life and which many didn’t know at the time, the father of my baby. Me and Zack were expecting.

That was the worst drive of my life. Sitting in the back not knowing what happened to him and then sitting there knowing that he was gone. We still drove to Winnipeg because he was on life support and this was where we could say our goodbyes.

We got to the hospital and honestly I felt lifeless, I didn’t know what I would be walking into or anything. We got to where he was and I saw him, just laying there hooked up to all these machines and tubes everywhere. I didn’t go near him for a while. I sat at the chairs at the end of his bed and just looked at him. I felt numb and lifeless. This couldn’t be happening it’s not real. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do or say to anyone. I finally got the courage to go and sit beside him and hold his arm. He was so warm, and to be completely honest he didn’t even look that bad. How is he dead? I couldn’t believe this was real. I’ve seen people look way worse and come out just fine but Zack he looked fine and he was dead. That was it. The love of my life, my best friend and father of my unborn baby was gone. I was alone.

When I say alone I know a lot of people are thinking “you’re not alone you have so many people here to help you”, but trust me when I say I was alone. Yes don’t get me wrong I have friends and family but it's all different now. I don’t have him: my one, my everything. I was now a widow and soon to be a mom all at the age of 23.

I spent the whole day by his side. I couldn’t eat or sleep. All I could do was sit there with him. It was the same thing the next day. I laid there and held him. I hugged him, I laid there beside him and held him so tight and just cried for hours. The nurses and family kept telling me I need to eat not only for myself but for the baby. But it didn’t matter. All I wanted to do was lay there with him and cry.

There was lots of questions for me, did I want to pull the plug, did I want to donate his organs? So many questions that are so hard to answer. I had a lot of people messaging me and texting me saying “don’t pull the plug he can make it through he will become a miracle please don’t pull the plug”. You have no idea what we were all going through and having people tell you that in the middle of it all does not help. I knew though no matter what anyone said that we needed to pull the plug. If he ever came out of this he would be nothing. He would be stuck in a bed where he couldn’t move or talk or anything and he would never want that. So me and his family decided what was best and we pulled the plug.

There was lots of stuff in between all of this but to be honest I cant remember any of it. All I remember is laying there holding him. Then came the day it was time for us to leave. It was time for me to say goodbye to Zack, my best friend, my partner, my love, my everything. It was really hard to leave but I knew I had to.

That was it. I went from being the happiest I’ve ever been my entire life. I was in love and we were having a baby, to a pregnant widow all alone at the age of 23.

Zack