The Diaries of a Bi Girl

Growing up I always knew that I was different. That I wasn't like all of the other girls who had crushes on boys, I would lie and say that I had crushes when I didn't. It wasn't until I was 19 and watching Grey's Anatomy and watching Callie and Arizona fall in love, and I said to myself, "I want a love like that." I wanted a love that was true and captivating and intense and i wanted it all with a WOMAN!!

I know, crazy, right?!

It was crazy to me at first that I had these feelings, but then I looked back on everything that I have experienced and it all made sense. Why I used to look at other girls and feel something different than I did when I looked at boys. It was crazy and intimidating but exciting all in one breath.

But it hasn't always been all sunshine and rainbows (pun intended). Coming out to my family seemed to be the easy part once I started putting myself out there and started dating. I never knew that I would be judged within the community that I thought I belonged. When I would tell other lesbians that I am bisexual, the reaction I got was unnerving.

Weren't these supposed to be the people that I connected with? That understood what I was going through? So why did they all seem to be judging me just because I wasn't just like them? These women would give me looks like I didn't belong with them; I would get out and out rejected being told that I needed to choose a side. That 'how were they supposed to know whether or not I wouldn't just see a man walk past and leave them?'

I never understood and still don't on most days. How can these people discriminate within their own community which is already incredibly discriminated against? These people weren't any better than the people that do it to them.

I was talking with some friends one day and just mentioned something about bi-phobia and they thought that I was joking because they just couldn't believe it. They didn't even know that things like this were happening within this community which is known for being completely understanding about other people and their situations.

I went out on a date with this one girl, we were talking about past relationships and I mentioned one of my ex-boyfriends and she stopped and looked at me like she couldn't believe what I just said, that I had a boyfriend before... and actually enjoyed it. she then proceeded to say, "Well that's a bit greedy, don't you think?" I honestly couldn't believe it when I heard that. How is it being greedy just because I like both men and women?

Being bisexual is a constant battle of having to prove oneself to someone else that you are only there for them. It's not just women, either; men don't 100% understand what it means to be on the bisexual spectrum unless they themselves are on it. But with men, I mostly get asked if I want to have a threesome with them and that's it; I don't genuinely get judged for my orientation.

Now don't get me wrong, these woman do have a point; there are girls out there who are experimenting and just want to have sex just to know what it's like and call themselves bisexual. That's where this whole thing gets blurred, because here are these girls calling themselves bisexual and saying that they want women when all they really want is to experience what it's like being with another woman and then they move on to another guy and then these lesbians soon hold a grudge for bisexuals.

Now don't get me wrong, not all lesbians are like this; in fact, most aren't these days, but I still come across some that are outright rude to me just because of my orientation. I just can't comprehend and don't understand what has made these woman this angry.