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The Different Forms of Pain

4-1-2019

By Katrina ChamberlainPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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Everyone goes through pain in their life. It could be heartbreak, loss, abuse, or even mental pain from the ones that we think are our friends or family. In an average life, a person will deal with at least two of these. Personally, I have dealt with them all, and although that sounded like bragging, it wasn't.

Heartbreak is something that everyone goes through, whether it is a first crush not liking you back, or a marriage ending. No matter what the cause, it hurts just as bad. Thankfully it is one thing that, over time, can actually heal. You can learn to love yourself and another again. You can remember the feeling of getting butterflies and blushing due to sweet words and kind gestures. The feeling of being in love, and the glow it brings is probably the best part of actually being in love.

Loss is not something time fixes. Over time the excruciating grief may fade to an ache, some of the more painful memories from your time with them may fade, so that only the good remain, but it is a pain that stays for the rest of your life. DO you know the reason for this? I do, it is because throughout the rest of your life there will be moments whether big like marriage, kids, or graduation, or there will be small ones like a promotion, or a movie you saw that you will wish you could share with them. The minute something like that happens, that grief slams into you all over again. These are feelings I know very well. I have lost two of my grandmothers, a brother, my best friend, and countless other friends in my life. Some days feel impossible, and some days I will be happy, and suddenly a song comes on that I shared with them, and I am immediately in tears. Seems silly right? But anyone who has been through this can tell you the same thing.

Abuse is a subject that everyone says should never happen, especially not to kids. Well, I am here to say it does happen. I will be the first one to admit that it could have been worse, that there are hundreds of people in this world who dealt with some form of abuse over periods of years, if not the majority of their lives. For me, it was a day here, or a few months there. The ridiculous part of my story is that it happened so many different times by different people. The first time I was abused was sexually, and it was when I was 13. A friend of my brothers over two days decided he wanted my body, and would have it. He was a lot older than me, and ended up causing me to run from home to try and stay safe. Sadly it was after a lot of damage had already been done. The second time I was 15, and it was physical abuse by a boyfriend, that I could not get away from, until his family finally stepped up and got me home safe. Next, I was 16 and molested by a friend of mine that I trusted. Finally, I was 23, I was out at a party, I thought I was in a safe space around friends. But things happen. All of these had different effects on my emotional, mental, and spiritual state.

The same thing can be said about mental pain. Mental pain can come from one's self, from family or friends, and even from strangers or acquaintances. When a person's self-esteem is low they attack themselves about looks, intelligence, whether they are loved, and even if they should stay alive. In situations like this, it is really hard without professional help to believe any different. No matter how many people tell them that they are smart or pretty it won't make a difference. When it comes from friends or family, The mental pain is spread over long periods of time, and can crush a person. These are people that they trust and love, some of the worst damage can come from them. Strangers and acquaintances are a little different. Comments from these people can ruin a day, or hurt your feelings, but unless you're hearing the same things from yourself, or friends and family it shouldn't do too much damage. For me personally, it was hearing things from friends and family, and even people I was in a relationship with that eventually led me to very low self-esteem. For a long time, I was told that I was fat, or not pretty, that I was a dumb blonde, or even a slut. Although some of these things were said as a joke, it still hurt. After so long of hearing it, it made it almost impossible to see myself any other way. To this day it's a fight to see myself as pretty or smart. Right now in my life I am in a really good place, and have amazing people around me who compliment me and believe in me. But it seems to be one day out of a 100 that I feel pretty or smart. I am sure that most people feel the same way.

I do want to say that although I have been through all of this, it does get better, and none of us are alone in this. Everyone is fighting with one, if not all of this at some point, and despite what everyone says it is not something that you will easily heal from. These are real problems that we deal with, and for some people, it can take months, years, or even your whole life to heal from it. The best advice I can give myself and everyone going through this is to stay strong, work on it slowly, and surround yourself with amazing and supportive people.

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