The Disability Bullies

Back in high school, I was a hot mess from not having medication to help me at all. My family consistently denied me medication all four years of high school. I wish I’d had some so that my moods would have been less painful for non-magickal people to tolerate. My moods were everywhere, I was out of control, and I feel deeply embarrassed that my family just ignored my pleas for medication. I should have gotten myself on SSI but getting from one day to the next was pretty painful for me.

I had a bully who was making me throw out my lunch when I’d get to lunch. Somehow I was tolerating this. She would gaslight me. I did punch her in the arm out of frustration. Girls who show their anger are called “lesbians” and I’m not sure if this is true today but it was true in the 1990s. For goodness sake, I was the victim; she was making me throw out my lunch. Eventually, I dumped her group and went off to hang out with an old friend from my old school. I went to a private school in California back in those days.

I struggled with stuff like math and English because I wasn’t on medication. I struggled socially, learning to keep to myself when I felt down. In high school, I got bullied quite often, for not being on medication. My whole freshman year, I dealt with sadistic people who would give me their ideas on how I should properly kill myself. I can’t remember specifics anymore since I blocked it out from my memory, but yes—I had to fend off that kind of bullying. I had to fight many different kinds of bullying such as catcalling. My parents should have intervened, but they didn’t. They still don’t.

I’ve learned how to stand up for myself with the ability to speak for myself forthcoming. My family certainly doesn’t support me or will stand up for me except my cousins. I’m trying my best to find a good job here. I have limited physical as well as financial resources. I’m busy trying to win sweepstakes in order to manifest money. I’m doing my very best to find a job but I’m stuck in a repetitive pattern—I can’t find a job worthy of my talents.

I’m doing my very best to find good work from home jobs. I feel like I’m not making a dent. These days, I can make sense verbally. I love my medication because it alleviates my pain on many levels. I absolutely appreciate it, as there are those of you who do not find my love of medication to your liking. I spent all of high school manic, depressed, unstable, and with my family refusing to let me take responsibility for my mental illness. I was willing to take medication, to take care f myself. But they wouldn’t take this fact into account. I wanted to not have mood swings although my family spent their lives denying my mental illness when I was in high school. They deny their own illness to this day. My bully was somebody I dumped, making better friends in the process of enduring high school. I managed to survive because of my dog, and the way I made better friends. I ditch bullies easily in the present. Dumping toxic people is easy as all you have to do is just dump them without looking back. Some of them need to be dumped if they are seriously harming you.