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The Double Standards - We're Doing Exactly What They Did

So really, we don't have the right to complain about someone else's bad behaviour.

We are always going to hold double standards. Whether we like it or not, it's part of human nature, and we do it every day. 

Karma? What goes around comes around?

I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and realised it's all about us having double standards.

While you're complaining that he hasn't texted you back for a week, you're doing exactly the same thing to some B-list guys who you've only been on one date with. And you think he's an a-hole dating three girls at once? I doubt you'd stop for even half a second to judge yourself when you're about to double book.

So why do we hold double standards? Why are we always less harsh on ourselves than we are to others? If you think I have answers you're wrong, but I did make some observations.

So, a while back I hooked up with a guy and he lives very far away. As in 3,500 miles, across-the-ocean kinda far away. It was a holiday fling — he knew it, I knew it. 

After he left London, we kept in touch and texted almost every day. It was all fun to begin with, but with me being a classic woman, I started to get jealous after a few weeks when he told me about his dates. The first time was interesting, I felt weird and that night I didn't sleep very well. But because it went horribly for him, we took it as a joke, had a laugh and called it a day. 

However, he had another date and this time it went well. He told me they kissed and, oh boy, did I flip. We planned to meet up a week later (as I was going on a vacation near his city) and I shouted at him for deciding to go on a date just before then. I ended up saying stupid things like, "If you didn't want to come see me, so be it!", which was rather confusing for him.

Some of you might think we had a mutual understanding about exclusivity, which was why I got angry. Sure we did — but the understanding was that what we had was just a fling and we're more than open to see other people once we parted. We're not even a 'thing', we're just two people who had fun for a few days and happened to keep in touch. Sure, we had a fantastic time and we're attracted to each other, but 3,500 miles of distance is certainly not an ingredient to mix into a relationship and we agreed.

So why was I upset? More importantly, was I even allowed to be upset? While he went on a couple of dates, I went on a few myself as well. So why did I feel the need to shout at him and give him a hard time? I felt bad after he apologised for hurting my feelings so I came clean. Of course he then went on and called me a 'hypocrite', which I think was more than fair.

My point being - we are always going to hold double standards. Whether we like it or not, it's part of human nature, and we do it every day. If there is one thing I learned, is that sometimes it's useful to just stop for a second before you want to rant about someone, and think, "Have I done exactly the same thing to another person before?" 

If the answer is "yes", rant away anyway because it's good anger management. But at least in your mind, you will feel better knowing you're just as much of a jerk as the person who is being a jerk to you — and if you can forgive yourself, you can certainly forgive them as well.


Have a comment? Find me on Twitter @georgie_c68

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