The Edge of Love

Alone. That is all I felt. Ever since I can remember, everybody I loved eventually broke my heart. Every friend I made turned their back on me, every lover I had been with also left me in the dark. At the age of seventeen I was done with everything. I had given up on the hope that anyone would ever love me, that anyone would truly care. Turning to alcohol and pot to be my savior against all the pain. Anything that would take me away from this place called Earth, I wanted it.

Right when I had given up on everything, there he was. Just a normal guy. A guy I would normally only call my friend. There was much more about him that intrigued me to know more. He was like me in a way, he was alone, and had forgotten what it was like to be truly happy. This man was strong and beautiful in every way possible. I have never met someone to put others needs in front of their own as much as he. Someone who was as messed up and insane as I, but to hide it behind this smile of his was just so amazing to see. Let me put a picture into your mind: he is 5'8", tan, 180 pounds, curly, dark brown hair, and hazel eyes that were just mesmerizing. He, in my mind, is perfection.

Only one word was said to me at this moment, a word so simple, so overused, a word that would change my life forever.

"Hi."

Over time this man became my best friend, a shoulder to lean on, and I tried so hard not to let myself fall in love with him. As time went on, he was the one who fell in love with me. For over a month he told me how much I meant to him, he would tell me, "Let me love you," every single day. I was too afraid to let him in, to let my best friend become my lover. But by the time I was about to take everything and leave to save myself, he kissed me.

Everything changed after that, I couldn't help not to kiss him back, to feel his hands wrap around my waist, to feel the warmth of his body on mine. This is when my feelings went crazy. The only person I could think of to give me real advice was my mother. As I told her my situation, she then told me to risk it. She then said, "If you love him, go for it." That night when I went to his house, I sat next to him and was just silent. I had no idea what to tell him. Do I tell him I love him and want to take this risk? Do I tell him I want to be with him? Do I just kiss him?

He looked over at me with his corky grin and pushed the hair away from my face. He said, "God, you are so beautiful." I couldn't help but smile right back at him, still in silence. Before I could get any words out he pulled my face close to his and pressed his warm lips against mine. Moving his hands slowly down my back and pulling me onto him. I wrapped my tingling arms around his neck and let him pick me up and take me to his bedroom. There we laid and stared at each other in awe. That's when I could finally get the words out, "I love you." I could not believe I told him this. These words I had put away in the back of my mind for so long, had just slipped out like it was nothing. I love this man with all my heart and there was no turning back now.

This was the best decision of my life.

The time I gave up on love, was the same time I found my true love.

This ordinary, beautiful man is now my husband and the father to our unborn baby. Never think that love is not out there, because it is, hiding behind the shadows. You just have to let it in.