Humans logo

The Fear Within

It Won't Go Away.

By Stacey JimenezPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
Like

Getting ready for work. I've taken a shower, gotten dressed and brushed my teeth. It's a typical Tuesday afternoon. I feel like today is going to be a good day. I say this while in the comfort of my own house. But, as I start getting ready to leave, I grab my keys and phone, put on my jacket and take a deep breath.

"I can do this."

I get to my front door, I stop and get my phone out and put my ear phones in, anything to distract me for what's awaiting me outside. I blast my music as loud as I can. As I grab that cold doorknob, I think to myself, "Should I just call in sick? Should I just not show up? I could just stay in my house and feel safe for one more day."

However, I wipe my mind clean and I open the door. At that split second as I breathe in this beautiful fall day, I realize something, my safety, and my worst fear have somehow combined without me even stepping a foot outside. I step out and close the door behind me locking my safety inside.

I take another deep breath.

"I can do this."

I take the first step down my stairs and I see one person. I look down to not make eye contact. I'm shaking a bit since my nerves are racing, my heart is beating and my hands are sweating and this is all happening after I took a couple steps outside. Thank God for this cold, fall wind.

I start making my way towards the train station. For a while I'm biting the inside of my lips, I know it's a bad habit, I'm looking down and I have my hands clenched in a fist in my jacket pockets, which makes me feel sane somehow. I start to feel better, my breathing has slowed, my hands are dry, I might actually be able to have a good day.

However, life never gives you one good day, ever. As I slowly lift my head due to the comfort I felt for my day, I lock eyes with my second worse fear besides society in general, a group of guys around my age. They are roughly 10 feet away from me 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4....... I put my head down as I enter this Hell-on-Earth situation.

Even though it is 60 degrees out I feel myself starting to sweat out of absolute fear.

"They think I'm ugly, they think my hair looks weird, they are thinking, what the hell am I wearing. Please tell me I'm through."

I'm through. This happens to be the lesser of two evils, because even though I've passed them, I still feel their eyes staring at me like daggers. I turn the next corner to avoid them watching me walk away. As I turn the corner, I let out a huge sigh of relief. A few more steps and I'm finally at the train station.

I head down the stairs, swipe my card and I'm on the platform waiting for the train. I lean against a nearby column. My breathing is normal again but I know it won't be for long. I'm glad there isn't a lot of people waiting for the train today though, so that gives me a bit more relief.

"Your train is one station away."

Even though my music is blasting I still hear the intercom message. I look down, preparing myself for what might come. I'm hoping when the train gets here that it's not packed, but I don't think it will, because like I said, there aren't a lot of people on the platform.

"Your train is now arriving."

I continued staring down as the train stopped in front of me. As I finally lift my head, the train doors open and I know I have a deer in the headlights stare on my face right now.

Of course, there are tons of people on the train today.

I step aside to let some people off but of course, there are still plenty of people that stayed on. I lean against one of the train doors and whip out my phone from my pocket and start playing any game to get me to not realize any of the people staring at me.

My hearts races again, my hands tremble. I feel beads of sweat form on my forehead. I try to take long deeps breaths, but nothing I do seems to calm me down. At least I am only three stops away from my destination.

The train ride felt like an eternity, but I'm finally here at my stop. I put away my phone and just as the door opens I rush out. I run up the stairs to leave the station and I let out yet another huge sigh of relief. However, I still don't understand why since I will have to go through this all over again for my 5 minute walk to work.

I feel like I'm being annoying though, or maybe you're getting bored. So I'll spare you the details of this.

Sorry.

humanityfact or fiction
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.