The Fresh Breath of Air

I've been through my fair share of cruddy relationships. I've dated the user, the abuser, the cheater, etc., and I've probably fallen into their toxic web at some point. 21 (almost 22) years old and I've had my heart broken more than I'd like to admit. I was in a relationship for four years with who I thought was my "high school sweetheart." He was my best friend and over time we got closer and decided to take it to the next level. After four years of being taken advantage of and being cheated on, I decided to walk away. Several months later, I met someone who made me believe in love again. He was perfect. Or so I thought. Things were going great for the first few months. Then BAM! Reality hit me like a train going full speed. I noticed his behavior was a little off and given the time we had spent together, I could tell when something wasn't right. We sat down and had a heart-to-heart and he revealed that he had been smoking meth. I was totally thrown. I've smoked marijuana before but would NEVER dare touch any kind of hardcore drug. My aunt was a meth addict and lost everything (her five kids, her car, her house, the whole schbang). I then told him that if he wanted to continue with his nasty habit that he would have to do it single because I refused to endure the same pain my aunt caused my family. He begged and pleaded and said he would quit and get help. Weeks went by, everything was normal. Then the funky behavior came back. I knew exactly what the problem was. At this point, I was so stupid and "in love" with him (or so I thought) that I wanted to help and support him through his addiction. This broke me, mentally and spiritually. There were days I would just lay in bed and not say a word. I wouldn't eat. I constantly asked myself "Why am I dealing with this?" Alcohol, anti-anxiety meds, and depression meds became a part of my everyday life. I had to have these to function and pull myself out of bed in the morning. Part of me stayed because I was so attached to him and because he was my comfort zone. My friends kept telling me to drop him and run but I just didn't listen. Ten months I dealt with the emotional abuse. He constantly accused me of sleeping with people, went through my phone, tracked my location, hell, he even tracked my odometer on my car. I couldn't go to the grocery store without getting accused of something. If my phone ever died, the world was about to end. So, after ten months of this, we finally split (and let me tell you it was NOT pretty). I was relieved that him and I were done, but part of me was still latched onto him. My other aunt always told me I was a healer. I would attract the broken ones and try my best to fix them. I always put others before myself and ended up broken in the end. Anyways, I found it very hard to start dating again. I would meet up with people and I would get on Tinder (BIG mistake). I just couldn't stay interested in anyone long enough and was too scared to give my heart to anyone. Then one day, I met Chris. We had talked over social media for about two months and finally decided to meet for drinks. I was blown away. There was no awkward-ness. It just felt right. His personality was almost identical to mine and we got along great. We've been dating for almost a month now and he never ceases to amaze me. He makes sure I'm taken care of. Not just materialistically, but spiritually. He cares and makes it known. He's secure within. There is no digging through my phone or tracking me. He is my fresh breath of air. Moral of this story is...never EVER settle for less. Know your worth. Love yourself. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. And damn, let me tell you, that fresh breath of air after drowning for so long is exhilarating.