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The Furry


My worst date was with a guy I met online. He messaged me and told me I was gorgeous. I believe his exact words were, “What is someone as gorgeous as you doing on an online dating site?” I really didn’t mind this message. It was better than, “You are pretty even though you have bags under your eyes in that picture,” or “Hey let's have sex." So I thought he was really nice...even though he really wasn’t the best-looking guy out there (Get it? I put a little irony in there). I’m generally a bluntly honest person, so I simply replied his question with: “I’m lonely, isn’t that why anyone turns to online dating?” He didn’t seem very pleased with that answer, but we kept talking and moved on.

When I looked through his photos, I noticed he had a nice collection of hobbies, including long boarding and hockey. Overall, all his hobbies seemed completely normal. There weren’t a lot of photos of him in his profile with other people in them, but it wasn’t exactly Facebook, so I didn’t think much of it at the time. Maybe he just wanted photos of him alone when he was looking for a new significant other. The worst red flag that I ignored the most was that he periodically mentioned his ex-girlfriend every now and again. More specifically, how she broke his heart. In my defence, he didn’t mention her often, just enough to annoy me.

After a couple days of talking, we added each other on Facebook and exchanged cell-phone numbers. Occasionally he would send me a text that simply just said “Meow.” When I asked him what all the meowing was about, he simply just said that he was weird and he was okay that he was weird. It wasn’t that short of an explanation though. He continued on about how life is better being weird because normal is boring. Overall, I just sensed quite a defensive tone coming from him, but it eventually passed and we continued trying to get to know each other. He worked as a dishwasher while also being a student at a local college. He had two cats and loved them both equally. Oh, and he had an ex-girlfriend that broke his heart...he mentioned that a few times

Then we started talking about meeting each other for the first time at a sushi restaurant...this might sound like a fun plan, but the planning stage was awful. I would have to pick him up in my car, drive all the way to a place called “Hockey Sushi” (not kidding), which was kind of further than I was willing to drive, and he made it very clear that I would be paying for my own sushi. Does this mean he would be paying for the gas to take him to that specific sushi location?

We ended up settling on just getting a coffee downtown. There was no driving him around, just meeting there. However, meeting at all was a mistake. When I sat down with my coffee, the first thing he said was “Meow.” I asked him what he said and just said “meow” again. I knew he sometimes texted meow to me, but saying it out loud was a whole other story. He actually just said meow out loud randomly. He even put emphasis to make it sound like a real cat’s meow.

I stared at him in stunned silence for a while before conversation resumed. He explained that he meows all the time, even at work. He said that all his co-workers think he is just quirky and funny. He made it seem like he had a lot of friends, but he also told me in the most serious tone ever that he is part cat. When I asked if he met his friends at school, he said, “Oh no, they're all online friends.” I didn’t actually make the connection right away, I was still too freaked out that he meowed in real life.

I waited later that night until I was at a safe distance away from him to text him and tell him that I just wanted to be friends. While I was sure he wouldn’t take it well, I didn’t think it would go as bad as it did. He completely freaked out, saying that women were awful for putting men in the "Friend Zone." He used caps locks, which I guess is better than yelling, but he did try to call me a couple of times before I just turned my cellphone off. He blocked me on Facebook and on the online dating website. I assumed he deleted my number because he never texted me again. Which is a relief, I assure you.

The part that really adds the cherry on top to this whole story is that he tried to add me on Facebook two months later with an inbox message reading, “I am sorry I blocked you out of my life like that, it was too harsh.” I never replied to that message, but he comes up as "Someone you may know" on Facebook occasionally still to this day.

Just to clarify, I don’t recommend online dating.