The Goodbye Letter

I am one of those people. It's not a bad thing to be one of them but it comes with its hardships. We love with all our heart until there is nothing left to give. We expect nothing in return. We are stepped on, forgotten, and replaced and yet we do not change. It is rooted deep within us to be this way.

We only have one way to change. It is never pretty. That path is lined with pain and resentment. It is truly sad how many of us follow that dreadful path. The pain that allows that path to be open falls onto your hands. It is people like you that forces people like me to change.

Some of us are lucky though. They find the few out there that have learned to love us. They are made to accept the unbelievable amount of love we can give and they have learned to be able to give us the one thing that we ask for. Acceptance. That is all we want.

That was the only thing I needed from you.

You didn't give that. You, sadly, fell into the majority that sees us as nothing. You choose to turn a blind eye to who I was. The love I gave you was my last hope. Yet, no matter how much I gave you, you never gave me anything. I don't blame you. I now see that you had nothing. I was wrong. There was no way for you to give me your love if you didn't have any. I understand this now. Still, you took my love and are giving it to someone else. I don't blame you but I can't forgive you.

I wonder how something like this could have happened. How could you have been hurt to end up taking so much? I gave you all of me. I gave you so much love that I don't think that I could ever love another. The pain that now grows inside of me doesn't prevent me from loving but it has taken something much more important. Something that makes me the person I am. It has taken my ability to create love. I simply have forgotten how to love.

How were you hurt? Were you hurting when we were together? Did I hurt you? Why could not I see your pain? Who hurt you?

It wasn't until much later that I was able to ask myself those questions. I was blinded by the pain you inflicted on me. The same pain you had. I don't know who or how the pain was inflicted but there was so much. There had to be. You were unable to see how much love I had for you. I was there for you but I didn't help you.

I still love you and always will but you have someone now. Someone new. You have love to give, even though it's mine, and they have love to give to you. That's how it works. There is a part of me that wishes things were different. If only I had noticed that you were in pain. If only you had told me. If only, if only, the list goes on.

It's too late now. I can't turn back time but I can do something for the future. I will break this cycle. I can't do what you did to me to another. I will find my own love. I don't know how long it will take but I will do it. Maybe I'll find someone to help me on my way but I can't take someone else's love. I still feel the pain. Pain when you left me. Pain when I saw you with someone else. And the worst pain of all, when I realized that we would never be together. That was my lowest point. I will grow from this. I don't want to be those people that only give their love when it's too late but I will be more careful with who I give my love to. Once I have some to give.

There is something that you didn't take from me. It took me far too long to notice that I still had it. Hope. Hope for a better future and hope for new love. An everlasting love.

I know that this sounds so stupid and there might have been better ways to phrase this but I hope you understand. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad in any sort of way. I wanted you to know that what we had was special. I want you to understand that I wish the best for you and I want you to have a happy life. If you take anything from this letter, take this: we are what we make of the pain that we are put through.

I hope the best for you.

With love,

Yours truly.