The Great Dive

I sat on the smooth, flat edge of the cliff and gazed out into the sea.

My bronze hair tumbled haphazardly in the cool breeze. It was an unseasonably cold day for early July, and I could feel the goosebumps rising off my skin. The clouds were a deep silver gray, a colour that I would have fallen in love with if it didn’t so perfectly match my mood. I could appreciate nothing in this state of mind.

I stared down into the dark and cold abyss that was the water below me, the waves breaking on the exposed stones by the beach. How beautiful, a detached voice in my head thought absently, though I scarcely took notice.

I took a deep, careful breath and closed my eyes. Today was the day.

How long had I put this off? Every day that I wasted, that I struggled through seemed to weigh heavily on my mind. I couldn’t bear to let the days continue like this.

It was in my nature to pull through and fight the strongest of waves the ocean could throw at me. But when every day felt like a hurricane, I felt less like a fortress and more like a rickety old shack. My will was dwindling down; I could withstand the storm no longer.

It was hard to accept, and even harder to face the unknown.

I had always feared the unknown. It was cold and black like the waves down below. There was uncertainty, and I anguished over the consequence choices like mine could have. I took another deep breath, trying to control my restless heart and the fear that suddenly ensnared my entire body.

I could do this.

I would do this.

Shaking now, I rose from the rock and carefully slipped my shoes off. One, two. The cliff was cold and smooth under my weary feet. I stepped back until I reached the tree line that hugged the cliffs.

One more ragged breath.

I thought of my brother, my sister and I almost stopped. What was I doing?

But my body was already moving.

Fueled by adrenaline, my legs shot forward and I flung myself off of the cliff. In vain, I reached my arms backwards, trying to grip onto the cliff as I fell. The wind somehow felt colder as my body sliced through the air and towards the freezing sea below. I barely swallowed enough air before I was completely submerged.

It was in that moment I realized I had made a grave mistake. A lethal one.

The water pulled me under, with what felt like no more force than a feather being pulled back down to earth by simple gravity. I was sinking, my limbs trying and failing to gain purchase over the choppy waves. In my panicked state, I couldn’t tell which way was up, though I could feel the icy water stabbing into my skin like a thousand tiny knives.

My now cold, achy body was starting to give up. My arms slowly stopped flailing, my legs not quite kicking anymore. I let the water suck me farther down into the unknown. I was scared to death, and I bitterly accepted that I was getting my wish, though now I was coming to the realization that I was a fool to want this. Nothing felt worse than this feeling, knowing that I was going to die and I could no longer fight to save my own life.

I closed my eyes in resignation, my last breath leaving my body and disappearing up to the surface of the vast unknown.

***

I regained consciousness at the exact same time I felt someone roughly push on my chest. I gasped for air as water left my system, leaving a burning sensation deep in my lungs.

“Breathe!” a panicked voice growled at me.

My eyes flew open and immediately caught the gaze of a hazel eyed stranger, his face only a foot away from mine. His expression changed from panic and worry to relief, and then quickly to anger as he regarded me.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He glared at me. “Don’t you realize there’s a storm rolling in!”

I just gaped at him as he scolded me; he was easily the most beautiful person I had ever seen. His intense eyes were perfectly enhanced by his high cheek bones and defined jawline, his hair creating a lovely, dark frame for the overall pretty picture.

I looked down, embarrassed to look at this Greek god. From the corner of my eye, I could see his red swim shorts. He was a lifeguard.

“You saved me,” I murmured, still unable to meet his steady gaze. I felt his hand on my face, and he lifted my chin up so that I was forced to look at him.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice suddenly softer than velvet.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I wasn’t thinking straight.” I put my head down and shuddered. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

His face suddenly flushed, though it couldn’t have been warmer than ten degrees out. Maybe he was embarrassed by the gratitude in my voice that made him sound like a god. He certainly looked the part.

“Why did you jump?” He questioned me, his voice suddenly stern. I opened my mouth to protest, and he stopped me. “Don’t lie, I watched you throw yourself off of that cliff.”

I took a deep, grateful breath as I explained everything to him. As I talked, I understood that I would never take another breath for granted.

While I told my story, the sun broke through the clouds, and the water lapping at the shoreline glittered as the sun shone on the beach. It was so breathtaking, in fact, that I stopped talking just to stare at the beauty I had seemed to miss in my world of melancholy.

It might just be a beautiful world after all, I thought to myself.

An amused chuckle from beside me pulled me out of my reverie. I beamed at him, and his mouth fell open for a quick moment before he recovered himself.

He pointed up along the beach. “Would you like to join me for a walk?” His voice was almost shy as he extended his hand out to mine.

I grabbed it as quickly as I could without making a fool out of myself.

“I would love to,” I smiled as we walked along the beach and away from the swirling abyss that I had no desire to ever enter into again.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity of storms, my soul was finally still.