The Hairdresser Girl: A Date Horror Story

#MyWorstDate

It was a cold November evening In the Midwest, the kind of weather that brings out the mufflers and the desperate lovers. I'd just gotten off work but was pretty excited. We had been looking forward to this for several days now. Our first online interaction was on OkCupid and we found through a week of chatting that we shared quite a few common interests. Ergo the anticipation. The place I'd chosen was a quaint Indian restaurant in Omaha that served the best curry I'd had in the Midwest. Not to mention the decor and people set me right at ease making even bad dates quite palatable (not that I expected anything untoward but more on that later). I'd chosen a nice blue sports coat for this date with oxfords, they were kinda my go to kit for a semi-casual evening. Preppie? Yes. But I've always believed that first impressions are important. After all, who would like Mr Rochester or Mr Darcy if not for impeccable clothing and even more impeccable manners? However, my penchant for Victorian customs aside, onto the story. 5 PM was the time we'd chosen to meet and I was there by 5:15. Generally, I try to be early but the traffic was really bad that day. Surprise, surprise she wasn't there. Samantha worked as a hairdresser though, so sometimes she'd get clients at odd hours. I chose to make myself comfortable. Ordered a nice appetizer and got some bread to keep me busy. Unfortunately, she decided to break even the age old principle of 'fashionably late' and showed up at a whopping hour and half after our designated time. "So sorry, had this rich old hag that needed the full treatment, so how are you doing? Lovely to meet you at last." I took in her appearance. Brown chestnut hair, frizzled like crazy, an Iron Maiden t-shirt with a brown jacket, and some ripped jeans. Now, I'm sure that in any other circumstances this would have been appropriate, but evening wear at a nice restaurant, it was not. I, however, endeavored to be non-judgmental (I can hear how judgmental that sounds but we all have our faults).

"Ah it's no bother," I said, "So tell me what do you do after work?" Bad mistake that. Bad mistake indeed. She then proceeded to launch into a long description of her cat adoption efforts. If there's one thing I hate it's cat ladies(pardon the pun). Realizing that I had to distract this woman I called over the waiter to order. I ordered the rice and chicken karahi(a kind of chicken broth I guess with much more masala), she ordered the rice and some beans. Right then I knew this evening was going to go all wrong.

"You're a meat eater?"

"Yes", I replied, somewhat trepidatiously.

"Don't you know how they kill those poor creatures. Their pain and suffering, doesn't it ignite any sympathy in you?" she asked, expectantly.

"It does", I replied, "and I applaud any who choose this route. I've just found that I cannot make that life choice for myself but kudos to you for it." Major bullet dodged but all throughout the meal she gave me the most seething looks as if I'd murdered the animal myself. However, I couldn't help but notice her table manners, which were atrocious. She literally dipped her hands into the rice and ate the beans without the spoon, calling it the natural way to eat. By this time, I knew it was not going to end well. Also, the waiters and other guests were staring at us at this point. Eventually the conversation turned to politics and this being the election season I asked her who she was going to vote for. Unsurprisingly, turns out she had never voted, believing the system to be rigged.

Eventually, I paid the bill and made to leave but she grabbed my arm and said,"Oh come on the night's barely begun and we can have so much fun let me show you." I, being a young man not afraid of much except spiders and snakes, was still disinclined to join her. However, it was early, barely 8:30 by then so I thought why not. We left for this nice bar that hosts young people somewhere in Dundee. At this point you're probably thinking, if he saw all these danger signs why didn't he just leave? And truth be told you are right. I should have left then. But there is something about us human beings that we always go for the wrong person. I was simultaneously drawn to and repulsed by this girl so I decided to follow her. There was some small town country rock band playing, a techno theme and some smoke from the smoke machines they add to such establishments. I wasn’t much impressed but my date was. Eventually, people began rocking to and fro to the music and she joined them. I, being somewhat of an introvert, was withdrawn. I don't drink plus had to drive, nevertheless, she literally downed an entire bottle of tequila. This, being paid by me, was getting annoying. Not to mention the fact she was now gyrating to every Tom, Dick and Harry that decided to cop a feel. I eventually made to leave but she pulled my hand and tried to force me to dance. I was moving away when she vomited the contents of the evening all over my nice coat. Dejected and disgusted, I eventually made it out. So did she, and I decided that the polite thing not to mention sane thing to do would be to cut my losses and leave. However, she was drunk as a sailor and I didn’t want to do any wrong by just leaving her there, so I decided to take her home. On the way her drunken ramblings revealed she’d basically been in a relationship with a college guy that wasn’t treating her right so she basically hooked onto someone two years older (me ladies and gentlemen) to make her boyfriend jealous. Also, a slight peak into her phone revealed that she’d been sending pictures of me and the dinner table and restaurant to, surprise surprise, the same guy. The reason she was late? Telling off the same guy that she was going out with another guy and a major fight. I know I was a dick for looking at her phone but I wanted to know and the messages revealed a lot. Plus, I wasn’t the only one, she had missed calls from five guys named as side guy A, side guy B etc. After she’d puked again in my car, I’d had enough. I was honestly hurt not to mention bamboozled, so after dropping her off, I deleted her number. Oh and did I mention that she offered some, “fun times,” if I’d come inside for a moment? Sorry girl, but nothing is sexier than loyalty and honesty. Not to mention she was drunk. Dropped her off without any funny business and went home to an empty apartment. She called later, apologizing, saying she had a nice time and we should meet but I told her off. The thing about these things is that life doesn’t leave much in the way of lessons. This was one I surely needed to learn. Don’t date a person you don’t know well. Don’t trust everything they show off on social media, personalities can only be judged in person. And always, always trust your first instincts about a person. They’ll never steer you wrong.