The Harsh Reality of Love

Most of us are guarded when it comes to falling in love. At some point, we have been let down in love. It may have even happened more than once; so our guarded stance is not something that happened over night. It was a process; one full of disappointment. It’s a wound that gets stronger every time it heals from being ripped open again. It doesn’t help that we can practically order humans like we can order a pizza. Between all of the dating sites, we feel like we have quite the dessert table spread out in front of us; but in the end they aren’t any that we really like. That’s one of our biggest problems in society. We have easy and instant access to what we think may be better than what we already have. We’re always looking for the next thrill or the next instant gratification; rather than appreciating what we already have standing in front of us. On top of that, we bail without hesitation when it’s not exactly easy to love someone. We just leave. We treat people as if they are disposable; easily waking up and deciding we don’t really love the person that is laying beside us. We don’t value anybody because we can get on OKCupid and find another suitor almost instantly. We don’t want to put in any actual effort. We are the generation that believes sending a, “Good Morning,” text is putting in enough effort. We say romance is dead; and it is. At least the kind of romance that we have imagined up in our heads. Instead, maybe we should redefine our definition of romance. It’s not always standing outside your girlfriend's window blasting a song with your radio. Sometimes it’s as simple as just looking into their eyes during dinner instead of looking at your phone. Maybe it’s something as simple as just holding their hand in the car and squeezing gently when a sweet song comes on the radio.

We need to stop believing that all we need is love in our relationships. We need to realize that we need the fundamental values; respect, humility and commitment. In order to really fall in love, we need to understand it. We need to learn that love is an emotional process; but compatibility is a logical one. Love does not conquer all like we have been told. Love has the ability to make us feel better about our relationship problems; but it doesn’t solve them. It’s the fundamentals that fix our relationship problems. It’s not always that love is lacking in the relationship; it’s the fundamentals. We need to realize that love should supplement our individuality; not replace it. We need to learn to love better; in order to be loved better. I see too many people sacrificing their self-worth and self-respect just to be with someone, and then see them wondering why their love became problematic.

I want to see people love themselves first. I want to see people enjoying the serendipity a new relationship brings; to be excited about the possibilities but not to overthink them. I want to see people building authentic relationships; not ones built on fantasy. I want to see people accepting love without conditions; to wash away their pain from their past and be swept away with the new current that is pulling them in. I want to see people giving their all but without losing themselves. I want to see people following their heart but taking their brains with them. I want to see people stop looking for the next jolt of excitement and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from knowing their partner will stay if they will put in an equal amount of effort. I want to see our generation not afraid of love; to realize that if we don’t risk anything, we risk everything.