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The Heartache of Breaking Up with the Love of My Life

The Reality of a Break Up

By M FPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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The pain of a break up doesn't just hit you when you actually break up. The truth is, it starts long before the actual break up.

During the time when you are trying to work it out, when you're trying everything you can to fix and repair the relationship; the time when you are stabbed in the heart every time he makes choices and decisions that hurt your relationship while you are desperately trying to salvage it.

Tears flood your eyes as you text and talk about your relationship problems with your closest friends. The car rides of listening to sad songs, the breakdowns that hit you like a wrecking ball in private with a flood of emotions.

This is the period of time when your relationship is already dead, but you can't stand to cut the final string. When you know that you guys are done, but you think that maybe that last spark of hope will turn into something if you don't officially call it quits.

The hopeless romantic notions that love will overcome all and that you can make it through anything are long gone, but you think that maybe by some miracles the man you once knew will come back. You tell yourself in your mind that you are gonna do this or that and finally end it.

But when you're with him, that plan shatters and you can't bring yourself to do it. You know that he's already given up. You try to prepare yourself for when you do decide to finally end it. You think you'll be fine.

One day, you finally rip the Band-Aid off and do it. You are fine for a few days you tell everyone that the worst is past you and it happened before you guys broke up. But then it hits you like a thousand ton bus all at once, and for days and weeks he is all you can think of.

No matter what you try to do, whether it be work, working out, or other dates, nothing can get him out of your head. You want him.

You know he is toxic and bad for you, but you still want him in your life. You overthink everything and run "what if" situations through your head. You think of the things that you guys did. The things that occurred and were said—good and bad.

You lay awake at night for hours thinking about it all. When you do finally fall asleep, it is a restless sleep. All day you're contemplating everything that happened between the two of you.

You're still very much attached to him.

You miss everything about him and all the little things, and at some points think that you would rather be with him and suffer all of it just to have his companionship and touch. The aftershock waves keep hitting you relentlessly.

It seems like you will never get over him. The thoughts of him consume you and overwhelm you at times. You want to let him go and forget about him, but you can't.

There was no huge breakdown or tears after we were officially done, there were not many tears at all. I wasn't locked in my room crying for days. I am just stuck with the 24/7 thoughts of him in my head, and the pain of not having him with me and everything that entails.

The process of detachment and having to let go the man I loved with all my heart; that is the worst part. I wish it was just crying and I was done with it all and over him. It was unfortunately not that simple for me, not that easy.

"I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight. I didn't mean to fall in love tonight."-Halsey
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About the Creator

M F

Your Feelings Are Valid Author. Chainsmokers and Fletcher fanatic. Quote lover. More emotional than your typical Capricorn. TPA. ISTJ. Lesbian. Asian.

Insta: @garnishdaddy. Owner of Native Cocktail Events

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