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I have been called many things, squeezed into the minuscule gaps of each letter of my name like each resembled a bottomless chasm in which seemingly meaningless words could hide. Most say that I am just a 'teenager' who has not yet lived long enough to experience life, few speak as though I am just another blip on the radar that is society. Those rare, selected handful of people call me an inspiration and yet, I am alone. Yes, I am surrounded by friends and family...But at the same time, I am alone in terms of what I think. Of my opinions, views, social status which should mean nothing when in reality it means the difference between gaining something in life and losing it. You see, life is a concept. A concept in which the size of your clothes, the colour of your skin or your sexual orientation are like boulders blocking the path to acceptance and held in place by the people who do not agree with you. Not your thoughts or opinions. You. Because I have often come across people who judge a person by their looks and if that is acceptable in their book then they go on to judge the next part of who you are as if it is merely a talent show in which you can never win.
Now, this confuses me. How the loss of an English-born being's life is more dreadful to hear about than that of a Muslim's, or anyone else that might differ in religion and therefore be branded with the label 'foreign'. How the way that a human being that identifies as heterosexual cannot be an ally to the LGBT+ community without the constant onslaught of criticism, accusations and lectures that what they are doing is wrong. What people who are only loving who they wish to love are wrong. Unnatural. Disrespectful. That brings us to the question, is every human being entitled to love? To being loved regardless of whatever barriers that the society we live in may build in order for that love to become a modern day re-enactment of Romeo and Juliet.
It is due to this that people begin to forcefully shut who they truly are off, because after wave after wave of words that should mean nothing yet everything at the same time...They come to believe that they are not human. That they are not entitled to love, happiness, the right to practise their chosen religion or marry the partner of their dreams...All because of society's view on the matter.
Now, back to where we began, that rare, select handful of people that I mentioned in the beginning? Call me an inspiration. No, I do not deem this as fact or use it to lift myself up high above others as if I were a queen on a throne glaring down at the peasants below...I simply mentioned it in this post because I am a girl. A girl that secretly identifies as something that is deemed unacceptable to my entire family. A girl that did not finish school. A girl that resorted to self-destructive behaviour because that was the only way I could feel 'normal'. Society's definition of 'normal'. Not my own.
But, above all of that, I am a girl who left school early only to get accepted into college early. A girl who knows that she could have done and should have done better when she had the chance but accepts the fact that she cannot go back in time nor would she try. A girl who is entering her third year A academical of college in September with qualifications and a rebuilt life to stabilise her...A girl who aspires to become a police officer.
And so, I suppose the moral of this post is that I survived. I survived the torment, the whispers in the corridors, the dips in self-esteem those whispers and rumours brought in their wake...And I survived. Now, I know that some of you might think that I have to keep on surviving because the world is a harsh, cruel place thanks to the person each human being decides to be. I know that and I accept it. Though, that does not mean that I cannot live while surviving at the same time.
So, that is what I do now. No matter what people think, what society thinks...I live for myself and my happiness and I encourage all of you to do so too.