The Imaginary Girl

I thought it was because no one liked me. You see, I do not have many friends. I am not a particularly social person. I like to keep to myself and hopefully avoid awkward interactions with people I do not know. But I think I may have accidentally become so much of a shadow that I am no longer noticed; anything I say is lost in the wind.

Sometimes, it feels like I am not even there. People talk and talk and talk and when I try to say something or I do say something, it is completely ignored. Mind you, I do have a soft voice, BUT when I am around other people in groups, I do try to be louder so maybe someone hears me. But no... that does not happen. I like to think that I have valid opinions though, you know? Ever feel like someone is just ignoring you because they can? That is what it feels like anytime I am in big group settings. People are talking and being loud and rowdy like most people would, and then there is little ol' me being quiet and soft-voiced and nobody can hear me.

But it has gone farther than people not hearing me now. You know that scene in The Princess Diaries movie, where some random guy comes around with a buddy and he accidentally sits on her?? Well, that has happened to me in a way. I have not been sat on, but I was sitting at a relatively empty table in the dining hall and all of a sudden, a mass of people come and sit at the same table. They put all their stuff down and went to get their food and when they came back, they saw me sitting at the end with a confused look on my face. All of sudden, out of nowhere, all these people came and took over this table where I was peacefully sitting alone and then they come back and realize that there is some random girl they have never seen before sitting at the table too. They apologized once they saw me, and I left because that was one of the most awkward situations I have ever been in, but I was invisible. I was nothing.

I was told by a Professor to think about who I am. In order to not have these awkward encounters and for my voice to be heard, I need to think about who I am and what my goals are when I am in social crowds and gatherings. So with some prayer and self-reflection, I have been able to make my presence, beliefs and self, be known by all. I have not had any awkward encounters anymore. All I needed to do was believe in myself and find ways around being unheard and being heard. I found my voice and I am no longer afraid to share stories about myself to people I do not know. I have chosen to be free from the cage I put myself in; I saw myself as nothing more than a shadow. But I am so much more than that.

Being, figuratively, sat on because you've made yourself invisible is something many of us do nowadays. In this new age of technology, human interactions have gone from meeting up for coffee to texting and emailing. Making ourselves invisible is now easier than ever because of this. This has taken away our ability to interact face-to-face with other people in a meaningful way. In the future, it will get worse, as more technology develops. But I know I will try my best to not be affected by it... Will you?