The Importance of Labels

“Just be yourself” is, generally, very good advice. In a perfect world, it would not matter at all if you were a person of colour, LGBTQA+, disabled, or however society chose to define you. Unfortunately this is not an ideal world, and for decades people have had to live alone or closeted and generally miserable with the constant implied state of only being safe because the ruling social class has allowed them to be.

Things have changed. Not nearly enough, but they have changed. Now instead of facing challenges alone, people can communicate and organise in ways past civil rights campaigners must have only been able to dream of. They can share information and help others come to terms with their own identity. They can live publicly and proudly, still afraid, still angry and dismayed, but united.

I was diagnosed with autism in June this year. This followed several years of people asking me if I was autistic. Years of trying to convince others that it was the right thing to do, that I needed to know for certain why I am the way I am. Years of effort. Years where I became so depressed and anxious that I was hospitalised with an eating disorder. But finally I took the plunge and took the test. I received a diagnosis on the day and for the past couple of months I have been adjusting to it. I know there is a reason that people are a mystery to me, which is good. I have joined online communities where I can be me, away from environments where people don’t really understand, which is better.

It’s made me reevaluate some other things about myself, which is confusing.

For years, I thought sex was something you had to do. It always seemed uncomfortable and embarrassing and even on the two occasions I actually liked someone, I could not imagine anything physical between us. I developed a morbid curiosity with romance and relationships, thinking that I was somehow behind everyone else, that if I were to have something like I saw on TV or in books, I could be an adult among equals.

I thought that my unease with bodies and physical contact was a side-effect of my autism; a rather insulting, ignorant belief as many people with my condition have no hang ups whatsoever, a wide variety of sexual orientations and families. Having realised the error of my ways, I did some research and found out more about asexuality.

I am now left with another dilemma. Do I pursue this? Gain another label, one even more misunderstood? Do I try to talk to friends and family, be true to myself and risk looking like an attention seeker at best? Do I just carry on, becoming just another eccentric loner and cutting myself off from any potential support networks for the sake of my friends and family, who-trust me-have been through enough because of me in the last decade?

In this instance, I would advise anyone in a similar position to do as I say, not as I do. Human beings contain multitudes. Some are personality quirks. Some require a label to be understood and can inform you identity going forward. Don’t dither. Find the words you need to define yourself, no matter how many. Once you find them all you will be truly free to build an identity and help others with theirs.

I’m not sure if I will be brave enough to take that step yet. I am a hypocrite. I am a coward. I am an autistic asexual (that’s not at all stereotypical, right?) and I urge anyone to own their identity. No matter how many parts of it there are.