The INFJ-INTJ Romance {Part 1}

As an INFJ, I longed for a romance of depth and purpose: for a man to understand who I was deep inside, beyond the friendly smile I put on for anyone I encountered. INFJ's are deeply internalized individuals filled with intrinsic joy and melancholy at the same time.

INFJ's are driven by an understanding of the world's imperfections, our motivations fueled by wanting to make it better through self-improvement and devoting oneself to worthy causes. However, independent as an INFJ tends to be, we truly don't want to fight alone.

Someday my dark prince will come.

The female INFJ dreams of not a perfectly moral, straight-arrow knight in shining armor, but rather desires a dark and thoughtful soul who rises to a purpose through his own quiet strength and ambition.

As Anne of Green Gables once put it perfectly, "I wouldn't want to marry anybody who was wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't."

The INFJ wants to bring light an eye for what is good and beautiful about the world to the relationship; We don't need a partner who brings that to the table as well.

My favorite fairy tale was always Beauty and the Beast and my favorite musical The Phantom of the Opera.

I wanted to be Belle/Christine, and to help my beast/phantom find love and a deep passion in a life previously without it. He would need me to fill an emotionless void for him while he brought intelligent and insightful comprehension into my world. He would fill my wondering and mysteries with reason and answers we could contemplate together. He would finally be the one who understood why the surface world of pleasantries and hobbies will never be enough for me.

That is what an INFJ wants: a soulmate in the purest possible sense of the word. For me at least, and potentially for many other INFJ's, that soulmate is an INTJ.

The INTJ of My Dreams

When I first met my beloved INTJ in person, he had a friendly exterior, yet I couldn't evade the attentive stare of those dark, intelligent eyes. He was chivalrous, far less awkward than I was, and carried a confidence about him that proved intimidating yet fascinating to me.

The INTJ is subtle on the outside yet carries a consistent aura of competence and internal strength that is hard to mistake once you recognize its pattern. Similarly to the INFJ, though very different in purpose, the INTJ is so deeply internalized that it is difficult to delve far in enough to understand the vast mind behind that calm exterior.

The shared Ni (Introverted Intuiting) of these two personality types is exactly why they can achieve such a deep connection between their very souls, understanding one another far more than anyone else in either of their lives has.

Companions Meant for Each Other

Both the INTJ and INFJ can feel incredibly alone (though being alone probably bothers the INFJ a little more) because they're so strange to other types. They are both incredibly rare personality types, so finding each other is like catching lightning, but the effect is just as powerful.

My INTJ is hardly the Phantom of the Opera; thankfully, he is a sane and rational person. Yet behind his eyes lies an entire universe of intelligent thought and analysis for making the world a more effective place.

To list a few similarities or characteristics that complement each other in the INFJ-INTJ relationship...

Both the INFJ and INTJ are...

• Introverted (Both enjoy time alone, though time with merely each other often suffices for resting from socializing)
• Nerds (Both tend to enjoy nerdy and/or geeky interests, such as reading books, analyzing fantasy/sci-fi shows, gaming, puzzles/riddles, etc.)
• Good Listeners (Quiet and disinclined to speak without a good enough reason, both tend to listen well to another's words, thus providing a good listener for each other)
• Organized (Though it isn't of the utmost importance for them, both tend to understand and value routine, scheduling, and organization of physical surroundings)

• Snobbish (Honestly, both are kind of snobbish because they tend to be perfectionists and well-aware of the world's shortcomings. Both pursue self-improvement with impressive dedication, and, though they aren't too judgmental of others' life choices, both do tend to have high standards)
• Planners (Both look ahead, far into the future. Chances are, by the third date, they're already talking about where they'll live and what they'll name their kids)
• Internalized (Both live so much of their lives inside their minds, which is why it's so startling for both upon meeting each other; suddenly, the world inside their minds makes sense to someone else and can be shared)
• Morbid (In my experience, both think morbid thoughts and possess a morbid sense of humor. When the INTJ and INFJ find each other, though, they feel free to share those morbid thoughts with one another without fear of being chastised (INFJ fear) or misheard (INTJ probably-not-really-fear-but-reason-he/she-doesn't-share-it-in-the-first-place) by the listener.

On the other hand, the INFJ and INTJ differ on...

Emotion versus Logic

(In this argument, '*' will resemble the INFJ, and '=' the INTJ)

* The INFJ will argue on behalf of what keeps the most people happy or what feels like the right thing to do.

= The INTJ will counter in accordance with what makes the most sense and what is most efficient (befitting his Te (Extroverted Thinking) function), often disregarding how it will affect complete strangers or people they don't need to be overly concerned about.

* The Fe (Extroverted Feeling) from the INFJ is always concerned about everyone, even that random guy who shouted profanities as he drove by or that child in the picture on the cereal box!

= Lacking that Fe, and not even liking people or holding too much interest in most of them, the INTJ will often write people off if they play no part in affecting his/her life.

* The INFJ, on the other hand, tends to like most people and likes to be liked. It is far more difficult for an INFJ to say 'no' to someone's request than it is for an INTJ. If you need diplomacy from the couple, the INFJ should take charge.

= If you need something to happen, especially if it may not make too many people happy, you should have the INTJ take over.

Thanks so much for reading!

I hope to write more segments on this topic in the future!