Before we dive into this deep subject, you have to know that I'm a 19-year-old girl who didn't really date guys when she was a teenager, so I wasn't experienced at all when I started dating my present boyfriend. When I was younger, I used to hang out with mostly boys of my age, but girls, not so much. So you can consider me as a girl that has thinking patterns similar to boys. Through my high school years, my few girl friends dated guys, but I didn't. And when I tried to approach boys, they friend-zoned me because they wanted a "girly girl." But I wasn't a "girly girl." So around my fourth year of high school (16 years old), I told myself to let this go and focus on school; have good grades to get into college the next year. As I watched my girl friends make mistakes with boys, I knew what I wanted and what I would hate if I was in a relationship.
I wanted a relationship where there was mutual respect, communication (you know, when there's a problem and you talk it out together instead of ignoring your better half), inside jokes, verbal affection, physical affection, etc. All of the good stuff. People around me told me I was too picky—that I wouldn't find anyone and that I would have to live a major part of my life alone because no one at my age would fit with my expectations. Well guess what happened on my last year of high school (17 years old)? I found someone!
This guy that I never crossed in the hallways at school or had in any classes showed up one day and...well, we fell for each other. What I want to talk about here is that I'm lucky to have found him; our personalities fit great together. All I wanted in a relationship was happening and we basically are best friends who love each other. But there's something I realised. My friends don't date guys anymore because they are tired of their bullshit. Well, let me tell you something.
In a monogamous relationship, there are two people. So it's not just because of them, it's your fault too if it didn't work. I'm telling you, it is possible to have a respectful, enjoyable, awesome relationship, but you both have to put work in it! Since the beginning of my text, I've been writing that my relationship is doing great. That's because when something wrong happens, my boyfriend and I talk it out. After two years together, the spark is still there. Every. Single. Day.
Put some mutual effort in the relationship if you both care about each other. Go get professional help if you need to, there's no shame! If love is still alive in both of your hearts, do it. Take the time to communicate and say out loud what you really feel, even if there's a chance to hurt the other person. You have the right to feel anything and your partner has the right to know it.
So that was my first text. I really hope it will help someone.