The Last Time I Saw You

I would have loved to spend some more time with you now that it was actually possible, but I do understand if you didn't want to. It got pretty weird when I walked up to you. I was so incredibly nervous, it was hot and you were cold, not that I can blame you for it. It was very clear that you didn't want anything to do with me, at least not then. Although I did see how surprised you were to see me. If you were glad or not was impossible for me to judge. I was, as I said, incredibly nervous and focused on what to say.

I have thought a lot about what it was about you that made me fall last summer. What I realized was that I fell for your beautiful looks. You are a very beautiful human being with an amazing smile. I hope you know this. Because we didn't see each other for a long time I started to create scenarios in my head about what we did together and to each other. It made me feel content and I wanted nothing more than to live it and make it a reality. I was broken when you said you had a boyfriend. At that point, I realized that none of the things I had dreamt about would happen for real. Isn't it interesting how much you can create only in your mind?

We would probably never work as a couple either way, unfortunately. I fell so deeply in love with you last summer, and I really thought you fell for me, too. I don't know if you lied yesterday when you said you didn't feel anything before or if you actually didn't feel anything, although it really did seem as if you fell for me, too. I am proud of myself, though, having traveled cross-country just to see you, even if just for a short ten minutes. Not many guys would do that.

For a long period in my life, my focus has been you. To see you again and to spend just a little more time with you. I got that now, thank you. Now I can finally focus on myself and my own life and stop obsessing over something I know I'll never get. Now I've finally gotten to see you once more and realized that you're probably not the girl of my dreams, I don't know... Your face though, wow. Your lips seem so soft to kiss and your body so warm to hold. If only you could understand me. I don't think that you are what I need. You may very well be what I want, but not what I need.

I would have loved to spend a little more time with you, more than those five to ten minutes we had together on that bridge. I will always have the memories of last summer, though, even if I won't always look back at them the same way. It has been an emotional 9 months for me, but now it's finally over.

Goodbye.