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The Letter I Should Have Wrote You Years Ago

To my first heartbreak

By Anna_KayPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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I have written you this letter over a hundred of and in so many different ways, and still to this day I am still unsure why I am writing this to you. However, I know there are thousands of reasons why I should be. I know while you are reading this, if you read this, you will have so many questions which is completely fine, and I am glad to answer any of those for you. However, I do know the first question that you will have “why is she writing me this now?” I will go ahead and address this question now. I have wanted and even tried to write you this letter ever since I left but I knew I wasn’t in the right place in my life to be doing that. I do believe I am in that right place now, for the first time in honestly forever I am happy. I’m not angry like I used to be, not at you, myself, and not at my life in general anymore. For so long I was unhappy and there was even a time when I acted like I wasn’t. I now know looking back I should have been more open with you and myself, I merely wanted to be happy and everything to be fine in my life. I’m not sure if that answers that question completely but if it does not or if you would like me to elaborate on it I would be more than happy to for you. Again, if you do have any questions or just statements for me I will answer all of them.

Now I should get into what this letter is about. I don’t want this to be an apology note but, in a way, it will be. Why it’s not an apology is because I don’t regret doing what I did. If I didn’t move I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Yes, I know that sounds so cheesy, but it is the god's honest truth. I learned so much about myself and just life in general. I also learned who I wanted to be, and that is a hard-enough task to begin with let alone with a partner as well.

However, with that being said I do regret not explaining the right way, the truth, to you before I left. I go regret not giving us the chance to work things out together. But I usually tell myself that I shouldn’t think like that, playing the what if game, it can’t change anything now. However, if the I could I would change how our conversation went over the phone before I came back, I would also change my last day in this state. I had to work that morning and I had stayed that prior evening with you and I just feel like I didn’t give you the goodbye that you deserved. You deserved such a better ending than what I gave you. You had done so much for me and I truly can’t thank you enough for the life that you built us. You were there for me when no one else was. I know there I go again using cheesy lines but it’s so true. You were there for me when I was so unhappy with living at my mom’s with Rick and then my father wouldn’t even let me move in. If it wasn’t for you I would have stayed unhappy and I am truly grateful that I didn’t get to see that ending. You were also there to support me in every way, it didn’t matter what it was you were always there. So here it is: THANK YOU for so many damn reasons that I honestly don’t know where to begin let alone finish.

However, I’ll stop there merely due to the fact that I have a pretty good feeling that you have stopped reading this and blocked me for good. But if you have not, I do want you to read this next part very closely. I had and always will have so much love for you. You have one of the purest soles I have ever met, and I am glad god gave me that chance to have you in my life. I wish nothing but the best for you and I hope you are having a wonderful happy life. I would like to hear how it is going but I understand it you don’t. So, on that note I will leave this, and once again thank you. Thank you for giving me the love someone only gets once in a lifetime.

Always,

***

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