The LGBT "Issue"

Everybody always says that college is the time in a girl's lives that they should start “experimenting.” And I suppose I did—I joined a church community.

Based on my experience, I can definitely say that college churches are typically more laid-back than the Lutheran church I had attended as a kid. We sang more, and didn’t have to read the service from a script that the Pastor would hand you as you walk in. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with Lutheran services, they just aren’t for me.

Initially, the entire group was very accepting. During small groups the first week, we went around a circle and shared our life stories. It was a very emotional night and constantly serves as a reminder that everybody goes through hardship. Because everybody has suffered in different ways, the entire group as a whole came across as loving.

That winter, I decided to go on a retreat with the church. We stayed in a hotel in Minneapolis with about five other campus ministries. The retreat was set up in a way in which we would choose which classes we wanted to attend during the day, and then we would all attend the same speaker at night.

The second day of the retreat, I decided to attend “Inner Healing,” under the impression that it would be tips on how to deal with mental illnesses. Boy, oh boy, was I incorrect in my assumptions.

I sat in the front row with my roommate, Natalie, and took out my notebook and pens to take notes. I naively was excited for a chance to face my inner demons. But in the speaker’s eyes, being gay was my demon.

The speaker stood in the front of the large room in front of her blank whiteboard.

“I used to be gay and transgender,” she announced. “And I think I can help others who may suffer from being LGBT.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief. Natalie whipped around to face me in her chair.

“Is this lady serious? What’s going on? She can’t say that!”

Oh, but she could in fact, say that. And she did. For a very painful hour, I got to listen to this woman boast about how she prayed hard enough and God turned her cis/het. As if I didn’t pray for the same thing in middle school, when I believed that was how it worked.

As soon as Linda was done verbalizing her opinions, I tried to bolt the hell out of there, but instead had to stay and listen to the Q and A afterwards. For an additional ten minutes I was forced to listen to fellow students question the psychology of being gay, and whether or not it was valid. I listened to people say that my “lifestyle” was a sin, was the devil’s influence, etc. But finally, I bolted.

To my delight, Linda was also the keynote speaker for that night. I had to listen to the entire spiel a second time, this time more in depth. At the end, she promoted her own DVD entitled “How to Deal with LGBT Christians Who Don’t Want to Change.” I had to watch people I had thought were my friends raise their hands and try to win a free copy of the DVD.

My experiences in a church community weren’t all bad. I made friends, I sang, I even got to take notes on different sermons. Religion isn’t the thing I have an issue with. It’s the higher ups in the community, the ones who don’t say anything. I cried to my youth pastor for hours about the two sermons I heard that weekend, and she comforted me and told me that the leaders of the event were wrong in hiring somebody who would spread such hateful speech. But she didn’t say anything to stop it. The church’s own pastor, Steph saw the LGBT community as an “issue.” Although not much of the community agreed with her, they didn’t say anything. After Winter Retreat, I ended up leaving the church. I miss my church friends deeply, but at the end of the day, I need people who are willing to protect the rights of the people who are unable to stand up for themselves. I need people who will truly accept me for who I am, not just people who will say that in order to gain members.