The Love Drug

It all began the middle of my 6th grade year. I had gone to this amazing Christian Youth Event called Fusion 3D. It was here that I met... him. He was one of my "boyfriends" (cough cough crush who I wasn't allowed to date) best friends. He was handsome and a total bad boy; every 13 year old girls' dream! I had met him before that night since we practically grew up together but this was different. He was different. He was cuter, more dashing, and all the girls wanted to be with him. I was the lucky one that he caught in his net. He started his trap by flirting with me when I was with my boyfriend. Luckily my observant boyfriend was not-so-observant. This gave me a chance to create my fairytale romance. A damsel in distress who met a dashing villain. Of course my "fairytale" didn't begin quite yet but this was a start. My "boyfriend" decided to break my heart towards the end of 7th grade because he has fallen for my friend instead. Not only did he break my heart but his new girlfriend, that he left me for, found me later at school had asked for my PERMISSION to date him.

Of course I acted like I was fine and granted her wish, only to then find myself screaming into a pillow saying my life was over and plotting to burn anything that reminded me of him; even my necklace I had gotten for Valentines from him. I ended up being fine when I decided to date HIS friend. Time went by when our first date rolled around the corner. I was so nervous... this was my first "date." Poor me didn't know that my version of a date would be the lowest point of my life during Junior High. My "date" turned out to be a movie date. To watch Frozen with my family. When we got there he and I decided to sit a few seats in front of my family because... you know... that was uncool. The movie was about to begin when "it" happened. Hand holding. At my age this was equivalent to "doing it." So of course when my mom came to bring us popcorn and caught our hands mingled together I flipped and basically threw the popcorn into the air making it rain right on top of my date and I's lap. My mom just giggled and left me there embarrassed.

After the movie things calmed down with a little ice cream until he was picked up. We haven't seen each other since our date until a few weeks ago while I was attending Chico State for my freshmen year of college. Yes indeed folks. We never saw each other for 5 years since the awkward AF date. But I am getting ahead of myself. That's not what made me so insecure about every date I have been on since. After our date we just talked only. He had talked me into getting Kik. That stupid only texting app that kids used to sext each other without getting caught. Well for starters I didn't know what the heck that was. I was an innocent child who lived in a sheltered home. But that made me all the more reckless. So I began the regretful journey of exposing my "pjs" to a boy I thought was the one! Oh boy was I wrong. After a few weeks he fell off the face of the earth. I found myself crying in my bathroom tub for a year. NOBODY had heard from him. My junior year is when I "heard" from my oh-so-distant boyfriend. My close friend had told me that he had been texting back and forth with her for a few days. She was the only one who had heard from him. She wanted me to know so of course as soon as she told me I ditched the last 3 classes of my day to go to the girl's bathroom to chew him out! I called him and left him a message saying I knew he had been texting my friend and that I wanted answers. I was 16 now and had felt body shamed for 3 years since my last text to him was a regrettable sext.

He got back to me letting me know that it wasn't my fault. You know... that "It's not you, it's me" BS. He told me he had gotten lost with drugs and that he felt he wasn't good for me. That's why he never contacted me. You know just my friend. After that we grew distant. Until a few weeks ago; when he found me in my college town and told me that he has been a drug dealer for the past 3 years and has been homeless and hitchhiking in Humboldt. He had lived in a small tent in the hidden part of some kind of orchard he worked until cops showed up to shut it down. He then went on the run. Selling pot and making friends with anyone willing to give him a ride. He met this rich guy who gave him a ride close to his hometown. He claims he now has close connections with him and says he is gonna turn his life around and make big money! All in all I feel like your first date can really affect any date you have afterwards. I've found myself with guys who named their penis "Oliver," a 1 year anniversary date being spent with family and wrestling, and a Valentines date I created MYSELF. So I have learned to choose wisely with my men and that if I want fairytale romance you have to take things into your own hands. As an 18 year old today I realize my life is beginning. I'm pretty sure I have found the one but I'm pretty sure anyone above the age of 40 will scoff and laugh at me for saying so. How could I have possibly managed to crack the code and find Mr. Right at such a young age? All my generation has been intelligent for is being fascinated with YouTubing themselves chewing on Tide Pods. How low can you go am I right? Anyways they say Prince Charming is out there and that he will find you. Well I'm pretty sure I am helping mine get out of a tree. XOXO R.J.

#MyWorstDate