The “Love Is” Checklist

Everyone seems to think that love is super complicated, that it’s this mystery no one has been able to solve. The truth is, it’s not complicated at all. Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or a family thing, here is a checklist to help you figure out this crazy thing called Love.

1. Are they Patient? If you don’t respond to their first text right away, do they bombard you with a million why-haven’t-you-answered-me texts? Mom’s are excluded from this because we all know they never stop worrying about us. No matter how old you are, it will always be World War 3 if you don’t answer your phone. However, if your boyfriend/girlfriend can’t even wait five minutes for you to answer their texts, then chances are you are looking at a control situation. It’s not cute. It’s not sweet. It’s controlling. If a person can’t even wait five minutes for you to respond to their text, then they are wanting you to come instantly at their every beck and call. This is an attempt to monopolize your time. Likewise, if your best friend wants you to talk to her all day, everyday, 24/7, that’s not a friend. That’s a needy person who wants the corner-market on your time. These are just a few examples, but you get the gist. People who love you will be patient with you. They can wait five minutes while you finish your breakfast in peace.
2. Are they Kind? People who love you aren’t going to be rude to you. They won’t call you mean names or give you the cold shoulder when they’re mad at you. People who love you will be polite and talk things out with you when they’re upset. They don’t want to say anything that will do any damage, so they might even ask you if they can talk with you about it later so that they have time to cool off and think before they speak to you.
3. Are they Envious? According to Webster, “Envy” means “to have a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another [person], joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.” In other words, a person who loves you won’t be upset with you getting that promotion, even if they wanted it too. They might be a little sad that they didn’t get it, but they’ll also be glad that you did. They won’t be resentful towards the new car you got or the fact that you're a size 2 vs. their size 14. They want you to have the best life you can have and rejoice with you when awesome things happen for you.
4. Are they Boastful? People who boast exalt themselves so that you feel small. They don’t want to see you as an equal, and they don’t want you to see yourself as equal to them even though you are. We all put our pants on the same way this morning. It’s one thing to be proud of yourself and comfortable in your own skin. It’s another thing entirely to intentionally make others feel like you are better than them. A person who does this to you does not love you. In fact, someone who loves you wants you to see just how awesome you really are! They encourage you to be the best YOU you can be.
5. Are they Proud? This doesn’t mean they can’t be proud of themselves for their accomplishments or proud of you for yours; we just want to know if they let their accomplishments go to their head. People who love you are humble and understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them because you are important too.
6. Do they Dishonor People? Don’t think you’re exempt from the gossip food chain when your best friend is talking about people behind their backs. As soon as you turn around, you will be the next on her list of people to talk bad about. People who love you won’t dishonor you or others. They are respectful towards people even when their backs are turned.
7. Are they Self-Seeking? If they are constantly looking out for themselves and themselves only, then I guarantee you they aren’t looking out for you. People who love you will do what they can to take care of you and not just themselves. A
8. Are they Easily Angered? My mom once told me that if you want to see the size of a man, look at the size of what makes him mad. If the smallest thing upsets him like a stain on his shirt or a small scratch on his new car, then that’s a small man. However, if it takes something big to make him mad, like someone hurt his family big, then that’s a mighty big man. This question goes along with question number 1, because people who love you are patient with you, and if they are patient then they won’t get mad easily.
9. Do they Keep Record of Things You’ve Done? People who love you aren’t going to hold what you did yesterday over your head. They realize that you make mistakes just like they do and that it’s okay to not be perfect. They just want to know that you are trying your best to be the best that you can be.
10. Do they enjoy being mean? People who love you don’t enjoy being mean. Period. 'Nuff said.
11. Do they Enjoy Knowing the Truth? Or are they constantly hiding from truths that they know are going to expose something they don’t want to see? People who love you realize that secret things can hurt you and others they love and are willing to face those things even when it’s hard and not convenient.

Granted, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have moments where we fall short. But someone who lives a lifestyle that is impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, prideful, dishonoring, and self-seeking do not love. They are easily angered, constantly keeping record of your wrongs, mean and hiding from the truth about things. Someone like this isn’t even pleasant to be around, much less capable of loving you. The truth is that they are hurting and probably don’t even know how to love at this point.

WARNING! You cannot change a person like this. They have to want to change and they will when they’re ready. The best thing for you to do is disconnect yourself from people who don’t love you and surround yourself with people who do. Trust me, they are out there somewhere ;)