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I remember when I believed that I was going to be with one man for the rest of my life. He was my first love and I had truly believed that it was going to be a forever for us. But, of course, not everything turns out the way that you expect it to be and I learned that after being with him for four years. It had taken me that long to realized what would truly make me happy and sadly, he just wasn't a part of it...
I was sixteen (turning seventeen) when I had met him (again). Instead of going to Florida for the summer to spend it with my grandparents, I decided to stay home in hopes of finding a job. But, I ended up finding him instead.
Now, I had known him from years ago when we were ten years old and in our last year of elementary school. I had a little bit of a crush of him then and he had the same for me. But, of course we were only ten and there isn't a such thing as an real relationship at that age. But, we ended becoming good friends all the way until it was our last day of school. He was moving to Virginia with his family and I thought that it was the last time that I was ever going to see him.
But, then all of a sudden, two weeks before my seventeenth birthday, I had found him on Facebook. I couldn't believe that I had found him after six years after elementary school and the possibility of never seen him again. So I friend requested him and once he accepted it. I posted a message on his wall and that's how we started texting each other. Now at first, he questioned who I was but when I told him who I was, he remembered and we tried catching up on our lives as much as we could.
While we had been texting back and forth, I had learned that he had actually came back home just before his first year of high school. It wasn't working out for his family in Virginia so they had agreed to move back here. Now, reading that had gotten me excited because there was a possibility of being able to see him again. Then one day, we had agreed to see each other and then again on my birthday where I had my first real kiss, which led to us being together for the next four years...
Now, there had been good times; I had enjoyed being around him as much as I could and with both of us being in school, we tried to find the time to see each other at least three times a week. It was going like that for the first two years. But, once it had reached the third year, it just started going downhill. We started spending less and less time together and it has gotten to the point where I would prefer to spend time with my family than spend time with him. And it wasn't the fact that I just didn't love him why I would choose my family. It was the fact that I had found it more fun to be around my family than being with him.
He didn't want to go anywhere and it wasn't because he just didn't like doing anything. It was just that he didn't want to spend the money to do anything. I mean, I could understand not wanting to be doing excursions every time we had been together. But, once in a while it would've been nice to do something fun and we were both working and making our own money. But, he didn't want to spend his money and it just turned our times together very dull.
It had gotten to the point where if I didn't offer to pay for us to go somewhere, then we weren't going anywhere. It had gotten to the point where he didn't want to go to the movies just to watch a movie unless I had volunteered to pay. We couldn't go to museums 'cause it cost too much, anything that looked too "expensive" in his eyes, then he didn't want to do it. It just started to become very frustrating to me.
We wanted to go somewhere simple such as the mall where we wouldn't spend so much money, but, then he wouldn't want me to go in the store to shop. He didn't like shopping but his favorite part was the food court and that was the only place where he would spend money just so he could eat. But, if I wanted to go into H&M to shop, he didn't want to go inside and he would go as far as to keep me from going inside just so he didn't have to. Even though he wasn't spending money at all in the store because I had my own money, he still didn't want to go inside and thought it was best to try to keep me from going inside the store. But then I used to question him, what would be the point of going to the mall if he didn't want me to go shopping in any store?
Then once it had hit our final year together, that's when it really started going downhill. We was seeing each other less and less and we would argue more often. And of course, the main reason for most of our arguments would be money, him not wanting to spend money to go anywhere and me having to spend money to have some fun. One argument we had was for our anniversary (which was my birthday); I had bought him a Joker themed t-shirt and a Joker themed shot glass from Six Flags when we had gone just before; the only reason why he had agreed to go there was because he had a season pass. But, when it came to our anniversary, I had misplaced the t-shirt but he said not to worry about it when I had found it, and the next time I would see him, then I would give him the t-shirt with the shot glass together (which, by the way, I never found the t-shirt). But, one day, we go to Barnes and Noble and I buy myself a book and he decides to carry it for me. Then by accident, he takes it home. So, I text him, asking him if he can bring it with him next time that we would see each other and you know what he tells me? He tells me that in order for me to get my book that I had paid ten dollars for, I would have to give him the Joker t-shirt and shot glass that I haven't given him for our anniversary (by the way, he didn't even give me anything for our anniversary) that I had spent nearly forty dollars on. I had become so upset at that fact that he refused to give me the book that I had paid for just because I didn't give him the t-shirt and shot glass that I had also paid for. So I just ended up telling him to keep it, that I didn't want the book anymore, and I believe that he still has it now.
Then just about over a month after our fourth anniversary, I just had enough and I decided that I needed a break. We agreed on having a break and we had a break for two weeks and then finally, we had decided to end our relationship. It had become a mutual decision and I believe that it was the best thing for us. I could no longer deal with the unhappiness that I was feeling being with him. It was becoming unhealthy and I couldn't be in the relationship any longer. Yes, it did hurt once it became surreal that we had actually ended our relationship. But it was what I needed just for me to feel happy and better for myself.
I had to admit though, I was scared. He had been my first ever boyfriend and I was afraid that I was never going to meet another man again. No man had ever been interested in me before and I was afraid that I wouldn't find another man interested in me again after him. But, I did what I thought was good for me and I felt so much better after ending that relationship.
I ended up being in another relationship for nine months that ended, and then ended up getting married to the man that I am with now and having a beautiful baby that I love so dearly.
So having gone through what I had gone through, it made me learn a lot... It made me learn that just because you are afraid of finding love again, doesn't mean that you need to be in a relationship that is making you unhappy. No one deserves to be unhappy in any relationship that they are in. Even if you are afraid that you won't find love again, it shouldn't keep you in an unhappy relationship. Do what you believe makes you happy. Also, what I learned is to not let anyone take advantage of me. Having me pay for things and places just so we can have fun isn't what makes a relationship. That's basically someone who believes that they can get whatever they want from you and if you give in, that is exactly what they get. It's OK if you are willing to pay once in a while for something, but if your partner doesn't want to be spending any of his/her money to go out with you then that can be a sign that there is something wrong. It might be different if they don't have any money with them at the time and can't afford to do something fun at that time. But, if they have their own money and believe that they don't have to pay or they just insist that it is too "expensive" for them to pay, even if it isn't expensive at all, then that can lead to problems that you don't want to have.
Again, don't put yourself somewhere that you don't feel happy. If it is best to spend some time to yourself instead of being in a relationship then so be it. When you are ready to be with someone again, you will know. Don't be unhappy in a relationship that at the end of the day just won't go anywhere and you're stuck. Be happy, and whatever way it is that makes you happy, just make sure that it is good for you.