The Meaning Of Friendship

What is the definition of a friend? Is it someone who will talk to you when you're feeling sad and make you feel better? Is it someone who is always there for you when you need them? Is it someone you would trust with your life? Is it someone who you want to spend all of your free time with? Is it someone that you feel comfortable with and you can be yourself?

It seems like everyone has their own definition of what a friend means to them. For me, over the past couple years I have been having a very hard time defining what a friendship means to me. There are people who are not in my life anymore who I used to think I would grow old with and they would be my best friends forever. It makes my heart sad and disappointed in those individuals who chose to change who they were and how they treated people. And in the end I lost friendships that I never thought I would.

Looking back, it all seems like a blur and all the memories and pictures do not even seem real anymore. I cannot look at a picture without still wondering why it had to end this way and why those people became so heartless and hurtful. Even if they did not realize it, they did something to me that impacted me for the rest of my life. I am now just a memory to them and it appears that it does not even effect them.

I cannot understand any of this and I have stopped trying to understand. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and I may never know this reason. I may never know why those 3 people blatantly stabbed me in the back. But what I do know, is that I will never forget them and the way they impacted my life for so many years.

I am done racking my brain wondering what I did wrong and how things could change so drastically so quickly. I am done reaching out and trying to connect again when there is no effort on the other ends. I am done feeling sorry for myself and I am now feeling sorry for them. They lost a person who would have been the most positive and greatest aspect in their lives. I am done caring and saying that I am done caring is a big deal coming from me. I have the biggest heart in the world and care for everyone I meet and even strangers. So me stating that I am done caring, is a big deal.

Right now in my life, even though I do not care about those people anymore, I am still unsettled with the whole situation. It does not sit well with me and I am currently trying to learn to sit with this uncomfortable feeling and embrace it. Because there is no effort made anymore to fix it. The last time effort was made, it was all on my part and when they said things were fine and we could be back to normal and start over, that did not last. There is no fixing what went wrong and I am still unsure of exactly what that was. So of everything that happened, it is now my job to sit with the uncomfortable feeling of the way things unfolded and ended, and embrace it. It is their job to go on their merry lives, all of them still best friends, pretending like I don't exist.

Pretending like someone does not exist seems like a lot of hard work and effort to me. So I am going to let the memories fade away and my heart slowly heal from all the hurt I've felt from these people and the loss of our friendship. The way you treat people deeply effects them. I honestly do not think that these friends realized how the words they said came off to me and how they effected me. Please be aware of how you speak to someone and what you say about them. It effects them much more than you can realize at times.

I really hope that they individuals are reading this and honestly, I hope you feel like shit. I hope you feel a small piece of the hurt and sadness that you have caused me. But you will never truly understand how what you did to me effected me and will continue to effect me for the rest of my life. I hope you all grow up into the amazing people you have the potential to be and I really hope that they person you were with me in the end and the way you acted, never comes up again.

And for those of you who I currently have friendships with, thank you. Thank you for being my friend and treating me like you should. But for those of you who are only my friends when you have the time or when you feel like it, don't expect the effort from me anyone. I do not have the time to poor my heart out to you, connect with you and trust you when you do not want to give me the time of day back. I have always had trust issues and now they are even worse.

And one last thank you to you who inspired me to be a better person. To those who this article was about and to those who can relate to losing friends who you never thought you would. Be strong. Be confident. Be independent. Be happy. Be YOU. You are not defined by who you are friends with and you do not need those people in your life to bring you down and treat you like shit. It is there loss. You can go ahead and live every day of your life with pride and happiness knowing that they lost something they will never find again.