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“I don’t even know who that is!,” “She’s just a friend from high school…” “You can trust me…” these are just a few of the lines I, as well as my friends, have heard over the past few years from our own former significant others. Millennials seem to be having the hardest time grabbing onto a relationship that they’re willing to keep. It has become a paradox; everyone talks about how they want a faithful lover yet they aren’t committed when getting into a serious relationship. Here’s a news flash kiddos, you have to want to be faithful to be in a committed relationship! Contrary to popular belief, “talking” in today’s society is considered “dating” and it’s one of the biggest problems with the way young adults believe they should begin their journey of love. My main goal for you all is to possibly show you what the problems are and what NOT to do the next time you want to get into a serious relationship.
1. Don't Keep Quiet
Never keep quiet about an issue that you know will bother you and always get answers to the questions you need answers to. People are constantly not speaking up for themselves in a relationship because they’re scared they’ll be dumped but why??? Why should anyone be scared that trying to fix a problem in a respectful way would get them dumped? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that is so stubborn they wouldn’t consider fixing a problem to save your relationship? BE STRAIGHT UP and don’t take any fake answers that dance around the question, rather than answer it. If you think about it, and I mean really think, why would it ever seem like a better idea to take shit for an extended amount of time instead of just talking it out one time and possibly saving the whole relationship? A friend of mine, 19, stated she would “catch him[her boyfriend] in small lies and then I never questioned him.” She also said that only a couple months later it caused many arguments between the two and eventually lead to its demise only one month after that because why? …Hint: Look below.
2. Hoe #1, Hoe #2, and of course, Hoe #3
For those of you who don’t know this way of living, it’s best known by me from my best friends, former boyfriend, so I call it “The Chanman Theory.” This is when a man or woman has multiple “side bitches.” Keep in mind, a boyfriend or girlfriend, in this situation, is none of the “hoes.” “Hoe #1” is the “hoe” you have feelings for, but not enough to introduce them to the family. But don’t get it twisted, “the boys” or “the girls” aren’t considered family, no matter what they may say. “Hoe #2” is the young woman that is also known as the “late-night text.” You know the one some of you might get from someone that isn’t getting attention from who they really want it from? Or maybe the one you send, when you’re feeling really insecure? Yeah, she/he’s THAT person, whether they feel the same way about you or not is debatable. Last, but not least, “Hoe #3” is the last resort; they’re the one person that you feel absolutely nothing at all for them except maybe they’ll be cool when nobody else is there to satisfy whatever need you may crave. An example of a “third hoe” in modern-day celebrity speak would be Bella Thorne, as she seems to be the one girl Scott Disick will hit up when other ladies aren’t around-- and he’ll be quick to deny it whether there’s evidence or not, as well. Clearly, side hoes aren’t the way to go because whether you think you’re slick or not, the truth always comes around, as hopefully you’ve learned since childhood when your mom caught you sneaking cookies when you weren’t supposed to, or sneaking in and getting caught a little… okay, way past curfew.
3. Pause the Posts... At Least at First
I know, I know, it’s super exciting to finally be able to say you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to share every waking and aching moment of life with… or at least until you find out, you don’t really like being smothered to death with constant snapchats and instagram posts of you together; leading people to “somehow” wiggle their way into your uber public relationship. People wonder why everyone is hating on their relationship and maybe finding out things they didn’t really need to know because you’ve made it clear that it’s okay to display every part of your love life on social media. A former friend of mine is in a “committed” relationship with a young lady he claims, publicly, to love and cherish, constantly posting photos of them cuddled up or even just a casual video of him sucking on her nipple… totally normal, right? WRONG! Hopefully, the nudity wasn’t appealing for you; however, for those of you that think it’s cute… behind the scenes, both of them are talking to their exes and breaking up almost every other week. By putting their whole relationship on instagram, and letting the whole world know their issues, people tend to cause more of a hassle by questioning them and their decisions a majority of the time. Now, don’t get me wrong, posting is okay every once in awhile. But, posting your whole relationship and not expecting the public eye to become an issue? … That is optimistic.
4. Know Your Worth
I cannot stress this enough, know your worth and add tax to that mother fucker! If I had a nickel for every time I let someone that wasn’t worth my time talk down to me just because I thought I was in love, I’d be richer than the entire OVO crew, including Aubrey and Abel(Drake and The Weeknd). Okay okay, all jokes aside, it takes a lot of people years to figure out how much they’re really worth and what it means when they've really had enough. Personally, it took me nineteen years and sometimes I doubt it, still. However, after being in an extremely belittling, unfaithful and verbally abusive relationship for two years, I am happy to say I know I am worth more than that. Never let a sad and insecure person bring you down and tell you that nobody can love you because you’re “crazy” for being able to speak up for yourself.
5. Don’t Judge the Book Based on Its Cover
As cliche as it seems, you could really be missing out on someone because you believe the rumors. Everyone knows millennials fall for fake news all the time so how is that any different than believing all the bullshit random people spit in your ear. Truthfully, it all comes down to what you are willing to do for a person. If you feel the spark of initial attraction then why not have a conversation and find out what you need to know(refer to #1). There’s no need to rush into love; you want to know who you’re investing your time into, right?
Hopefully, by now, you know exactly what to do based on what I’ve clearly stated not to do. So, without further ado, get onto that next relationship the right way with honesty, loyalty and most importantly, self respect.