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The New Norm

The Modern 20ies

By Phiona MarksPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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When I was a kid, I thought your college/early 20’s years were supposed to a time to find yourself and to have fun. This was the norm 10 to 20 years ago. The new norm is finding someone who tolerates you enough to be with you 24/7, settles with you, and might even have a “mini-you” with. Now when I am at my early 20’s phase of my life, I am a single career black woman who is trying to enjoy these years. She’s also trying to have it all and understanding the meaning of multiple important want/needs.

I was watching that movie Rough Night and realized one of the saddest thing: I will not have a college trip/party phase with my close chick friends. All my friends are either married, being a parent, or working to hard to have any fun. Majority of them are also older than me so when I finally turn 21 I will be at home by myself drinking a bottle of wine. Well drinking a bottle of wine with my cat. That's all I have. I love my friends dearly, and when they started their families early it wasn’t on purpose it just happened. The great part that makes me sound self-centered is that I involve myself in their life as much as I can. I support them no matter what. I’m not going to be “that” person who gets angry that they don't spend time with me. I met a girl in college who was a bit socially awkward. She was a couple years older than me and she put all her time and energy into her schoolwork. She majored in culinary and accounting. When I had this conversation with her she didn't know me. She just felt like talking I guess. She told me about how her and her best friend aren’t as close as they were. The reason, she got married and had a baby. I never met a person so against her best friend’s life. Her friend couldn't help for those events to happen. But she also had long pauses when explaining the situation and her feelings about it. All I could think about is how I could never be in the point of view that she’s in. NEVER.

Being single in this modern society is hard. Especially when you’re young like me. Yet I find a lot of my friends who have their “settle down” situation figured out wish they would be single sometimes because they miss the freedom. It’s fair to them to say that to me. In my opinion when you have all you are suppose to have because you want it or society says its what everyone needs it will show you who your really are as a person. A lot of my friends are envious of me but happy where they’re at right now. Personally I feel very happy being single at the moment. I feel like my life is just starting. I have a career, I finished college and I being an independent woman over night. So why do I feel like even though I accomplished these things so far I’m just at the beginning and these things aren't as important for a human beings morals? I’m still tying to figure out my life each and everyday like everyone else. What ever happens next in my life I will accept it whether it’s right away or years from the time it happens.

The new norm is being different. Even if I don’t have my life fully figured out on every side it shows I get to experience so many things and meet a lot of amazing people. I’m not upset I'm single. I’m kind of happy that I'm not tied down. I shouldn't even call it that anymore because it makes it seem horrible. I’m happy that I rather focus on me so much that I have no time for someone else. I mean if you cannot love yourself how can you love someone else right? I’m just taking my sweet time figuring out myself and if I meet that one person in the next hour, tomorrow, days, months, years, or even already met that person I will hopefully make a decision of what my next step is. A wise woman, Eatha Kitt, once said loving yourself is important and having another person love you as much as much as you is another level of true love. Lorde’s Melodrama album also speaks of getting used to being alone again after a break up. In our lives we can be alone a lot or not as much. With that time we figure out who we truly are. To me, that is my early 20’s and if my kids come to me for advice about life I will tell them that sometimes you can choose your next move and sometimes your next move is already chosen.

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About the Creator

Phiona Marks

A girl who writes about her experience and what she learned from them. Her clarity is others reading material.

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