The One Who Got Away...

It's 2017, approximately seven years ago I connected with my twin flame. It still feels like yesterday, there is no one better than her and I want her all to myself. I didn't know too much about anything back then. I don't think most of the world knew what we know now. I didn't use the internet back then aside from playing Socom Navy Seals on my PS3.

One day in my home town I went for a walk to the gas station to get a pack of cigarettes and there she was. She was carrying empty water jugs into the Blue Moon Water Store that used to be located in Carman MB. Love is blind, therefore I kept walking and thought nothing of it.

Then one day I freaked out and had a panic attack at work. I was spaced out and accident prone so they sent me home. Then in my old apartment, I had a panic attack and realized I was falling for that women after I heard her voice. She said, "It doesn't matter what anyone believes in as long as they're not hurting anyone." Her words were beautifully spoken.

In my apartment, I had an epiphany that led to sleep paralysis and an outer body experience. My spirit drifted toward a neighbor's apartment then I snapped out of it. The next day I walked outside to catch a ride to work because I was feeling better. My neighbor was trying to help me out.

She set me up with two women in front of my apartment. The first one was the first connection and all I did was say hi and kept walking. The second one was a similar connection at the Royal Bank. I still said hi and let her pass on by, then my ride came and I went to work. Then I spaced out again and I stuck my head under a bail lift and it almost took my head off. Thank God my supervisor noticed and yelled my name and I pulled my head out of there just on time.

They sent me home and I panicked again and asked my neighbor out like a creep. Meanwhile, I knew it was that woman I saw at the Blue Moon Water store. It's not an obsession... I was determined to find this woman and part of me still wants to find her.

The next day I heard my neighbor talking to that mysterious woman in the hallway. Then I heard a long sigh like she was upset with me, and I don't blame her. She scared the hell out of me. She told me to create a masterpiece. These things take time to create but if she really wants one I can give her the best lyrics I've ever written.

Then one day I couldn't bear the thought of losing a connection that strong. It felt like the end, I grabbed a knife out of the drawer and walked to the tub and turned the shower on, lied down and started cutting my wrist. It was like I was in a trance. The phone rang and as it was ringing I started thinking of all the people that loved me and I was leaving them all behind.

I wasn't going to let that demon win; I got out of the shower holding my wrist and answered the phone. It was my mother, she sensed that something was really wrong, a mother's instinct. She asked if I was on drugs and I told her that I cut my wrist. Then she called my father and he took me to the hospital to get myself stitched up.

I went to Eden mental hospital and was diagnosed with a psychosis. After they had me stabilized, they sent me back to my old apartment and put me on disability. I felt really depressed in that old apartment, I ate a pile of junk food and let myself go. Then I ended up back in Eden and I gave up my apartment and moved into a group home in Winkler where I met a shadow mate, I got kicked out of there cuz I was sneaking into her room at night. My mother didn't like her and she likes everyone. Let's just say, It didn't last very long and leave it at that.

Then I moved into the star motel in Morden MB. I finally started a Facebook on my PS3 and connected with my twin flame someway somehow. The strange thing was that it wasn't really her Facebook account. As soon as I told her about the thoughts I had "I heard her voice as she was typing "call me babe, call me." She left a number and I skipped passed it and became the rambling man babbling nonsense out of fear.

Then all of a sudden a darkness came over me and a shadow passed my window. Shortly after that, I found an apartment in Winkler MB. I found a job and was drinking heavily. I got my PS3 stolen, shortly after that I got meth pushed on me. I don't know why I ever tried it in the first place when I always hated that drug. I met some pretty crazy people with that drug, they'll steal off you just to get high. I've even sold my own stuff to get high. I have to stay away from people who live that lifestyle.

One day I was drinking with my brother and we had a lot to drink. Something told me that I should quit drinking and call it a night. I didn't listen to my gut feeling and I went and got another case of beer. My brother and I started arguing about Danny the drummer. Danny was mean to him one day in the past and old stuff started building up. My brother was going to smash my TV, then as he was leaving he smashed my first guitar. I'm not that great at guitar anyway. I was still furious with rage because I was hammered.

I ran after my bro and threatened to kill him on the street. On the way back to my apartment there were four cops behind me. I said, "I'm going to bed, I have to work tomorrow." I kicked my broken guitar into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. As I was about to lay down those four cops charged into my apartment. I told them to leave and they wouldn't, then all of a sudden I'm getting sprayed in the mouth with mase. They got me on the ground and one cop punched the crap out of me. They got the cuffs on and brought me to the station.

At the station instead of taking me into the drunk tank they started surrounding me like some gang. I walked right up to the cop that punched me in the face and head bunted him in the mouth and split his lip open. Then I got hit with a taser gun but it was ineffective. They had to charge and push me on the ground Then I felt it and it sure didn't feel very good. I got released in the morning on a promise to appear in court. I wasn't allowed to drink but I kept drinking and that led to jail time. I did six months and two years probation. Glad that is all over now.

After a while, I dated a karmic mate who had a four-year-old son and lost her because of that drug. But she was cruel to me when I treated her great and treated her son like my own. I took him to the park and watched movies with him. I'll never forget the moments I spent with them. I want a family and I'll only do it if it's a twin flame, especially now that I realize what it all means, why my parents divorced when I was five. Why my father had rage. They were karmic mates and were blind of the real thing.

I met a beautiful native woman the other day and she opened up to me and I opened up to her. I felt like I've always known her, I took the chance and grew a pair of balls and told her straight up that I'm ready to settle down and get a job and carry on with my life. I asked her out and she was afraid of her or her boy getting hurt. She just got out of an abusive relationship and to top it all off her sister passed away in a car accident just recently. Then I told her we can just hang out and take things slow and she agreed with that so there still might be a chance except for the fact that I've dealt with my baggage so I can't get involved with someone that's not ready for a committed relationship.

With patience, time will reveal who's right for me. In the end, none of this will even matter anymore. Meanwhile, I'm just going to love myself, get a job, a vehicle, and maybe start a band. I need the right band with good chemistry. There will be another soulmate but part of me wants to hold on to the one who got away. Fantasy is more real than reality. I have to walk the line, whatever that means.