...The Ones We Love

In 1999, a young man went to visit his friend at work and grab snacks for a movie. The young man, who had just turned 18, was hoping his friend could get off work to go see this new movie titled Fight Club, starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. The trailer looked action-packed and interesting enough to give it a shot. The young man went solo. From the intro to the opening scene, we were riding a neuropathic map that leads to a bead of sweat dripping from the lead characters forehead, revealing a handgun placed in his mouth.

A very shocking yet humorous opening because immediately you can sense that the two characters know one another very well. Jack, our leading character, is trying to talk with the gun in his mouth, quite calmly for having a gun in his face. As the narrator, he says, “With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels." And then, “You know that saying, 'You always hurt the ones you love?', Well, it works both ways.” This line did not resonate with the young man watching the movie exactly, he had never experienced real heartache. He’d had a relationship in high school, in which his girlfriend would come to school sometimes, sometimes she wouldn’t. Once she had missed months of school and came back the next school year citing that she had moved to Texas. And one particular time she left school, and someone close to him spilled the beans that she’d went to have sex with her other boyfriend. In disbelief, his anger rose, he didn’t call her or go to her house. He drew a picture of a beast. A very angry beast with a snarl and sharp teeth dripping with saliva. It was his depiction of himself, his first self-portrait possibly. He didn’t see her anytime soon. He was upset, but anger allowed him to move on. But still, even though at the time this quote didn’t mean much to him, it would resurrect itself for years to come; manifesting the extreme power it had always held. Relevance showed it’s face repeatedly. But a victim he would not be. Love, appeal, attraction, very strong action words. What is love to you? What is appeal? How different is appeal compared to attraction? Why is this quote from Fight Club true? Have you been hurt by someone you love? Have you hurt someone you love? Did you hurt that person while in love? Did you do it for love? He has, and he has. Or has he? What are our intentions when we betray someone? Is it even betrayal? What about perspective. If you look back into your past relationships, the things you blamed your person for, more than likely you were doing the same to them to some extent. Can we always be accountable for both parties in a relationship? Or do we have to put ourselves first, always? He would like to think, in love, he’s only loving because it feels good to himself. And in that loving her, he is actually loving himself. Is everything we do selfish? Gift giving should always be a selfless act. Yet we would not give a selfless gift if it did not indeed make us feel something in return as well. Even if we do not give to receive, we give to feel good about ourselves. How many times have you done something good, and been upset about it? Generally we help one another to see someone else happy, but we cannot take out the word “too”. This is not a bad thing. Not at all. But this is why we must love, just love. Just love, just because. Adding clauses to love is taking away that love actually. Love someone because you love someone, or don’t. You can’t say, I love her as long as she is good to me. I love her as long as she lets me play baseball on Saturday mornings. You cannot say I’ll love him as long as he loves my cooking or as long as he knows which wines to order at dinner. Just love, or don’t. Hurting the ones we love is inevitable, but relationships of all kinds take actual work. Practice, but that does not mean when it gets too tough it’s over. It means you do not love that person. And that is ok. Why do you love her, or him? I just do, is a superb answer. Why does he love you? He just does. That is the only reason. 🌊⚡️