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The Path Can Be Lonely

Break Ups on the Road

By Steven AltmanPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Staring out into the ocean. What next

Traveling for work, long hours at the gym and being dedicated to the task at hand every day. There isn't always a lot left in the tank for other things. It sounds terrible and it can be for relationships. Throw in some time difference and uncertainty and you have a wonderful recipe for disaster waiting around the corner.

I've had long term relationships before but they all seem to hit a point where enough is enough. I don't blame them, it is hard to be everything someone needs when you have to be up at 5am and grind through another day and run off of 6 hours of sleep. The hockey world can wreak havoc on couples and it can take a lot for them to work. I want you to picture if you can what it looks like as all of this occurs.

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

When you are back from the off season, everything feels so normal outside of the early morning ice times and night time lifts. You spend time together, go shopping, relax and have the chance to explore together. The world and universe seem to come back to what it was supposed to be two people living out their dream of just being together. When you finish your day and can come home you know who will be there for you. There is nothing better then finding the person you love at home. You create something special, a bond something that you never feel can break or crack.

Then the road calls again. You are due to hit the road, catch a plan and report to training camp but something feels off this time. Cooler than before. The goodbye and the drive to the airport seem stiff, borderline awkward but there isn't enough time to repair this crack before you board your flight. You leave having a feeling that something is really off. You pull your hat down low, head phones in, and begin to walk to the plane. No time to worry right now. You'll have to navigate a new city, a few airports and learn a new language in less than 10 hours. Once you hit the ground it will be off to the races and it will go like a blur. The first week will end you will be stunned, second week flies by and feeling tired starts to kick in. You haven't been able to adjust just yet.

Missed phone calls, short chats, texts when one sleeps and the other is awake, then it flips. You feel like you are scrambling to keep up. The effort on one side begins to wane and you feel it. They are pulling away. You push back and try to make it feel like old times. It doesn't. It's forced, labored, and difficult. It's like you are talking to a stranger for the first time, feeling each other out and trying to make sense of things. You begin to drop things and communication becomes limited. It now ends in one or two word texts from both sides. The effort is faded. That crack you knew was wrong is broken open and now there is a problem. You wrack your brain, how do I fix this... silence... can I fix this...? No.

No matter how long you have been with someone, there is a breaking point. There is a time when someone will have had enough of the coming and going, living one life at home and another across the world for half the year. The little things become big things and the stress of your new life will take its toll on the relationship. The energy is just not there to make it work the way you want.

The inevitable phone call that becomes a petty fight and leads to the question,

"Are we done?"

The quiet, shallow and whimper of a reply slips out of your mouth.

"I think so."

Now, I realize everyone is going to ask why didn't you fight harder, why didn't you do this or that? To be honest, all the suggestions and more have been thought out tried but on a brutal and honest note. We both have lives we need to live and obligations that need to be fulfilled. It would be wonderful to drop everything and make it better but that also means jeopardizing a lot more.

I understand that break ups happen but when you start creating a life with someone and then it ends, that is tough. When you live together and have started to plan for the future only to find you both aren't what you need for each other. That the time together was wonderful but couldn't make it through another year of being alone, feeling unsupported, and at times forgotten. Those are feelings that are hard to change, make up for or replace.

To wrap this up, don't take your partner for granted and do your best. Sometimes it will work; other times it will work itself apart. In this case the best thing we could do is to separate. Much like hedgehogs, being alone was less painful than being together. At the end of the day, it isn't worth dragging someone through the mud that isn't prepared for what comes with the territory. Respecting their wishes and limiting the hurt is all that is really left to do. Welcome to the hockey break up.

breakups
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About the Creator

Steven Altman

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