The Problem with the Word 'Brave'

Welcome to the era of political correctness where oftentimes words are taken out of context, misconstrued, mispronounced, and misunderstood.

I’ve always been an advocate of being politically correct and using humor when appropriate, but I have a bit of an issue with the word "brave."

For a while now, it has acquired a bit of a condescending tone particularly when it’s attributed towards the members of the disabled community.

I do not speak on behalf of all disabilities or all people who might have them. There are as many disabilities, hidden and visible, as there are people in the world. Each of our experiences are different. As someone who had been diagnosed with a mild case of cerebral palsy—spastic dipletia, unnecessary words of affirmation are not uncommon.

For those who are unfamiliar with the medical jargon, it’s just a fancy term for saying that my muscles in my legs are spastic, preventing me from standing or walking without the support of a cane or a walker. It also wears me out and any time I know I have to face a long-distance walking commute or endure lots of walking while I travel, I need to train my body months in advance. I experience a ton of joint pain every single day and especially when the weather's bad... which in Chicago is like, always.

I try to defy the odds every single day. I live my life like any 20-something would. I work a full-time job, I work out, I go out, I drink, I smoke... I live life making my own choices and my own mistakes. I find it really defeating when someone who is able-bodied and happens to be in the same social setting or environment as me calling me "brave" for stepping out of the house.

This happens every where. It was very prominent when I was heavily invested in music journalism, going to shows and festivals cross country, conducting backstage interviews, and just living. my. goddamn. life.

I’d bump into someone and they’d notice me, decked out in all my pleather glory, and my walker and then hug me, telling me how brave I was to be out here.

This continued... in clubs, at the mall, at the grocery store, in bars... and then most recently at the gym.

My question to the people that still continue to do this is simple: Why?

I can’t help but wonder, like, is this what gets people off at the end of the day? Do they feel better about themselves?

I appreciate people for being nice, courteous and even giving a helping hand in times of need. I’m not some bitter independent too entitled to seek out help or kind gestures. But there is a distinct difference between people who want to help versus people who think they want to help.

In times where disabled individuals are out and about enjoying themselves in the company of their friends and family, it is the one time where they are rid of that dreaded feeling of being just a little bit deviant from the rest.

Personally, I had been raised with the mindset that no feat is impossible for me. My disability is a minor setback that can be conquered every single day. It takes a lot of time, but I think since my diagnosis, I’ve managed to come a long way.

Insults and rude remarks about how “I’m pretending” do not phase me anymore. I know what I’ve been through and I know what exactly it took me to get to this particular point.

Telling a disabled individual that they are brave for doing regular day-to-day things isn’t a compliment. It’s actually the most blatant form of disrespect because you are bringing to light how little you expect of someone who is disabled.

It equates to every sarcastic remark ever made, a grimace, a smirk, a pshhh.

We are, as disabled individuals, already held to a much higher standard because of our shortcomings. Every job interviewer holds an inherent bias or doubt. Even though you might be capable of doing the job you applied for, the interviewers will always ask inappropriate questions solidifying their pre-existing doubts from the start.

I've gone through eleven job interviews before landing my first job... so.

We try to climb the stairs and we’re faced with questions of whether we are “sure” we can do it.

We get into an Uber that is a little bit more elevated than a regular sedan and we're told that "this isn't the car for you."

Then we go out into the world and we’re applauded for it?

This shows me, time and time again, how little society thinks of me, how small I am in their eyes, and they make judgements before they really understand where I’m coming from.

Please think twice before you ever do this.

I might come off to you as “brave” but I have my personal moments of doubt and sorrow too. I don’t need that to hinder my own perception of myself or my way of being.