The Rights and Wrongs

Talking from a place in my life where my relationship is at a crossroads. Meaning; either we'll continue being together or fall apart. It's made me think and reflect on every mistake I (mainly) and my girlfriend have made in our time spent together.

I will be writing based on my own experiences and these are all just my opinion. If you don't agree that's fine, but this is my way of dealing with what I'm going through.

1. Always listen to each other!

It's not a good sign when you're being spoken to or the one speaking where the other is only half paying attention. Really get to understand what the other person is saying. I, from every relationship I've been in, have always wanted to know the person inside and out. And that has only become more of a factor with each relationship I have. My memory is terrible, so I write things down for me to remember: their favorite food, color, music, etc. It makes me feel closer to them.

Sometimes listening to an important issue is a way to prevent you from making a similar mistake, especially talking about past relations. The key point here is don't keep going on about exes. And never compare.

2. Find a balance between seeing each other socially and giving each other space.

My girlfriend and I currently are taking time away from each other until we can decide if we want to continue our relationship and commitment to each other.

I should have given her more space. And in previous times, I've given too much space. Try and find a balance between the two. Maybe find two to three days out of the seven to meet up. It gives them time and yourself to not get too clingy or concerned.

My fear was/is my girlfriend started to (let's put it as) socialize at late hours with anyone that was available. That's not a bad thing, especially as she was originally out with one of my own friends during the late afternoon.

It wasn't the fact she was out late or potentially drinking. It wasn't the idea of her being with my friend and not trusting them together. It was more of me starting to remember how a friend passed away. And she had similar traits before her time of passing. I became scared and irrational, trying to do something as I didn't the first time around and lost someone close to me forever.

3. Communication

Talking to each other about issues or doubts you have is crucial. It can be about each other, about work, or anything in general. If you don't understand, ask them to rephrase in a way you can interpret it.

That is our current flaw. We communicate for sure, but we don't always explain ourselves well. If it helps, write it down, speak from the heart. It's easier to put your mind to paper than it is putting your thoughts into speech. Our anger doesn't help either. We are both prone to getting frustrated and furious very quickly. It's good to keep a calm head on both sides. And make sure when you do have arguments, you kiss and make up. (Literally: Kiss, hug, and say how much you mean to each other). It helps the calming process.

4. Never lie.

I, for one, don't understand liars. Why would you pretend to be someone you're not? I'm not perfect, in my past, I used to lie a lot. But seeing how my parents became affected as a result of their lies or my own really opened my eyes. Mom's medical condition drastically changed. And my dad ended up divorced.

One thing I'm struggling with right now is that. I haven't lied in a long time. And I don't lie about anything serious. I have lied about how much I've had to drink or when I've had work. The former was so my girlfriend didn't worry about me. The latter was a friend was trying to upsell alcohol to me, but it wasn't what I wanted to drink and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

But it seems that people don't like to see you happy, and will cause drama whenever they can. It got to the point where my partner was questioning whether I'm telling the truth or not. And she has to decide that on her own. I can only explain how I am not.

5. Don't get too upset and dwell.

Having arguments or falling out of contact is never a good time, mentally. And as a sufferer of mental health, it's really made a massive impact on our lives. Sometimes, I feel as if my depression and anxiety are dragging her down with me. Other times, I feel as if she's lifting me up to be the best version of me. When things get too heated, take time to separate from the situation, calm yourselves, hug it out, put your egos aside, and try to compromise. And if it doesn't work out, then they're not the one for you. Just make sure you don't relate to this experience with every future experience. My "ex" used to say (playfully); "Don't you dare change whatever happens." This was a constant statement she would say for anything, be it when talking about becoming a sexual relationship or even talking about if we break-up in future. Some might say just thinking about it isn't a good sign but I feel, at the time of our relationship, talking about that, I was so comfortable and relaxed, it was more a formality and a way to be prepared as we're both young. It might have happened. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet someone at a young age and be with them for decades.

6. Finally: Enjoy the little moments.

They are little for a reason. You don't have long to be together before someone has to go home or has work soon. Enjoy the film nights, the nights out, the days playing pool, the walks along the beach. Whatever it is you do. Always remember to make those moments last. Say "I love you" every day because you know deep down this person has chosen you over everyone who's ever asked them out. And they see something in you that even you don't. It's not just for Valentine's Day to show someone you love them. Take pride in yourself, even if you hate the way you look. Because they love you.

Little moments are so short. And you'll miss them when they are gone.