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The Time a Stranger Asked me for Boy Advice on a Bus

It was a time.

By Calder Amos-WoodPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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She wasn't this crazy looking

This is a tale that tells about the single most social thing that has happened to me whilst traveling at 18. On an about five or six hour bus ride, a girl just randomly asked me for boy advice. Here's some context:

I was heading back to university after visiting my family and girlfriend in Toronto and to get there I have to take a five hour bus to Montreal then another two hour bus. On the five hour bus where these events happened, I had reserved my seats and they were on the second floor right at the front. Yes, I know I can take a train, but I like trying new thing so step off.

So I get on the bus and to my seat and I sit as you do. Through the music blasting in my ears, I hear this girl going off to her friend about her personal relationship issues and about how complicated young love is. So as she is doing that, what is a young man suppose to do except eavesdrop and text his girlfriend about 90 percent of what's happening and thank her for making the transition from friends to couple super easy.

So this is going on for about 30-40 minutes until it stops and my life goes back to being a dull mess with as much upside as the bottom of a 3000-pound boulder. So I'm sitting there doing whatever dumb shit teenage boys do when they are trapped in a seat for an extended period of time, most likely just trying to keep my hands busy so I know I'm still alive and conscious.

Fifteen minutes pass and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I assume it's this young lady next to me asking to go to the bathroom in my head, not knowing that what will happen next will shape the next 45 minutes, maybe hour, of my life.

She looks at me dead in the windows to my soul (eyes) and says, "Are you straight?"

I being a straight boy say, "Yeah."

This is where it gets freaky, so buckle up, kids.

She says, staring straight into the pit of my being, "Can you give me boy advice?"

I keep it cool and say, "Um... Ya... Sure."

Smooth, right? I thought so, too.

So then she proceeds to lay out this narrative involving the big LLB (love, loss, and betrayal) and how she doesn't know if she should keep trying to get this guy.

After much deliberation and a bit of back and forth, I hit her with my registered, Doctor Phillip C. McGraw opinion on the matter.

I say, "He's going through a hard time right now," because he was. His grandfather had just died. I continued, "So maybe lay off a bit and see where he's at when he's over it, but put yourself out there right now and see what happens," which I thought was decent advice because when I was trying to pick up my eight grade crush or really get any action before the age of about 17, all the spiky-haired, womanizing experts on YouTube said verbatim, "Just go up to girls and talk to them." So, being the nice, intelligent, accepting, young, baby boy I am, I just threw that at her because, like, equality... right?

So after that, the conversation continued because I was basically cornered and the main thing I learned is that I hate the word problematic and that teenagers, like me, don't know anything and should stop acting like they do.

My message to the girl is that I hope everything works out but like sh*t, you're not always gonna get the perfect boy. There is only one of me and I'm taken. Like, I'm basically like limited edition sneakers. No one wears them for a really long time because they are intimidated and scared, then one person has the stones to and they have them for life. I'm like Gordon Ramsey and yelling at white Americans trying to cook thousand dollar meals but they're not good at it for some reason even though that it's like their purpose in their eyes. Not everyone can just put that formula together. It takes a special alignment of astrological signs and planets to make this.

Anyway... This was fun. Love ya. Visit soon, dammit.

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About the Creator

Calder Amos-Wood

I wanted to be like Indiana Jones until I realized that there were probably mosquitos where he did his adventures.

I like basketball, rap music, esports and books.

Twitter: @amos_calder

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